Remembering the outfield

a couple months ago i got to spend a weekend on the road with one of my good friends who lives in indiana -- a radio disc jockey with a keen ear for all things badass rock music.  now, every time i hang with this dude, he teaches me something new about music, and during this trip in particular he schooled me on the wonders of the late 80s british band "the outfield".

unfortunately, the outfield got labeled as a one-hit wonder (your love was their big hit) and the true trove of musical gems they produced got swept under the proverbial bed of has-been rockstars.

in my opinion, it's a fucking tragedy. every single one of their tracks is uplifting, musically complex and harmonically satisfying.  here's one of my favs, say it isn't so.

rock on, muthafuckas!!!!

These people really just end up embarrassing themselves, y'know?

WTF???

Long live 'merica

okay, so most of the world hates us, mostly 'cuz, as a nation, we're merely self-serving, bullying, unintelligent delusionoids who'd rather hold up bronze age fairy tales as truth then get with the reason & logic program, but fuck everybody else, right?

we got brittany!

damn, i loves me some 'merica.

New or old, christianity, when stripped down, is still a bunch of bullshit

"After all, once they strip away enough myth, superstition, and related nonsense, invariably they cannot help but to find themselves at the very same place we Atheists have been for a long time."

for a fantastic read of what happens when you peel back the layers of the christianity artichoke, check out this article by john shuey.

it's one of the better pieces i've read on the subject for quite some time.

grazie to j2 who made me hip to it.

What the fuck W HOTEL on adams in the chi???

seriously? $8 for a fucking water?

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?

Things i usually don't find on hotel room walls for $200, alex

and... then finding yourself?

got it.

Um... yikes.

yep. them's all boys. lady boys as they call 'em in thailand, and throughout asia.

i will say that i had a, er... strange lady boy encounter once when i was living in china.

i was on holiday in hong kong, at a bar, pretty shitfaced (if i remember correctly), when a beautiful woman sat down beside me. she smelled good. FANTASTIC even! if i could describe her scent with something tangible i'd say that it alone caused a bonafide bonerjam.

immediately we struck up conversation, and though it was quite apparent she was a 'working girl' looking for a john and i certainly wasn't interested in that, i did entertain the idea that i could get her to follow me back to the hotel on just my own charm.

i bought her a couple drinks. we talked. laughed. she kept touching me.

and i noticed a lot of the locals snickering and hiding their eyes from mine when i looked around.

then... it hit me.

i got it. don't know why or how, because like the lady boys pictured above, you really could not tell. at all.

but i knew.

i asked her: "so, are you a... uh..."

"LADY BOY!" she said.

and i ran. i fucking RAN! i was so embarrassed... but it's funny as hell now.

good grief one can hardly tell!!!

My name is patrick bateman...

last summer i joined one of those online dating websites. i got lucky with it early on, and then it's been suffering ever since. i might get one response for every 50-60 chicks i message. and that's just the first message. often that's all you get.

i'm starting to wonder if it's 'cuz i have bret easton ellis' murderous mayhem social critique turned novel, american psycho, listed as one of my favorite books.

oKAY, AN ENCORE

I fucking love batman (or, I owe myself, and my readers, this...)

from the subtly (and aptly) titled hot chicks in batman shirts blog.

Lesbians 1, hateful christian delusionoids 0

Every human being should see this video. every. single. one of them.

this is why i won't shut the fuck up about the message to shed some light on the fucking delusionoid population.

i sorta wanna post this vid every day.

in case another delusionoid stumbles over Sky God!

thanks to j2 for the link.

A tooth, some dog hair, some long chinese hair

okay, haven't found any teeth (or toofs) from womens in my apartment... but i have found other things.

lots of things actually. going back some years!

all of the dog hair from the last girl's dog is finally gone. jesus christ i've been finding it EVERYWHERE for months now. i mean, i did love the shit out of that little pup, but goddamnit if he didn't shed hair in places i didn't even think he could reach!

and the girlfriend previous to the one mentioned above left a ton of shit in strange places... still finding shoes, underwear, hair ties, not to mention hidden clumps of LONG BLACK HAIR (she did have beautiful, long, black hair, i'll give her that)... all in the trash now.

but i guess i'll never reach the big leagues until i get a girl to start leaving her teeth around. i'll see if i can work harder to reach that goal.

HOLLA!!!

How to ruin a child's life, very early on

i was talking with my youngest sister the other day, planning upcoming trips to wisconsin where i'll be running (she'll be crewing) in a couple ultramarathon races (50K and 50 miles respectively) this spring and summer, and she mentioned she'd like to meet up with one of her old friends who lives in the area.

"hell yeah, bring her along, we could always use more crew members" i told her.

"are the races on saturdays?" she asked.

"yeah. why?"

"well, then nevermind. she can't do anything on the sabbath. her family is very strict about it."

what a fucking way to ruin a kid's life! take away saturdays! no, you can't go out and play with your friends and enjoy the nice summer weather, you have to stay at home and read tall tales out of the bible and think about what'd be like to be swallowed by a whale but live to tell about it!

fucking bend me over and fill me with a cyprus tree. jesus fucking christ. these people really think they have it all figured out.

i wonder what would happen if they had an ounce -- JUST A FUCKING OUNCE -- of solid information about how the world does and doesn't work... man, i feel so sorry for that kid.

she has no fucking shot.

Everybody's spent some quality time in 'shit city'

havin' a bad day? there's always someone who's having one worse.

remember that.

remember SHIT CITY.

and enjoy this gem of a vid starring one of my friends.

HOLLA!!!

A public fileting of one crazy-train's delusional words

long story short: someone stumbled across Sky God! while recently looking for jeebus pics. she left a comment. i checked out her blog and realized it was a delusionoid blog, and that she had written about me. i gave her shit about it. in serious (but good) fun... sorta. then she wrote this (copied below, in red) and now i'm gonna dissect the shit out of it. because i can, and should. my words in italics.

shall we?
- - -

WOW.

I am famous.

not really, but, sure, i'll go with it.

I ticked off a blogger badly enough that I was blogged about. LOL.

here's yet another case of a christian delusionoid thinking she knows me and how i feel and who i am, all from one fucking internet blog entry.
Hell-o Kitty!
uh... okay. don't get the reference. doesn't matter.

He was more angry that I didn't link his rudeness to my own blog than anything else I think, but whatever.

again, she knows what i think and feel. AMAZING! no wonder christians are so pompous! they know everything about everyone all the time! her lack of a link or anything in her story -- while admittedly not status quo for the interwebbin' world -- didn't make me angry. no. her blind devotion to all things fantasyland and the scores of like-minded folks who traipse and drudge through the world, bringing it down and making it dumber are what makes me angry.

I must go to my prayer closet so that I might fully take on his challenge of proving him wrong. Something tells me though, that this is not MY fight. The battle is the Lord's.

while you're in there in that er... uh... prayer closet?, see if the easter bunny and the tooth fairy are free to do my kid-nephew's birthday party this year. i really wanna make it EXTRA special this time. i will also accept talking snakes, men who can walk on water and dead people who come back to life. also, i wonder how fucked the world would be if other real-life problems were simply left to this "lord" that has never been seen, heard, touched (again, we're talkin' real life here, not fables or delusions or natural phenomenon that people are too dumb to understand)... OH GEE A TORNADO IS COMING TOWARDS MY HOUSE. INSTEAD OF SEEKING SHELTER LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING, I'LL JUST STAY RIGHT HERE IN ITS PATH AND TRUST THAT THE LORD WILL TAKE CARE OF THIS AND SAVE ME. CUZ HE LOVES ME! THIS I KNOW! FOR THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO AND THE BIBLE IS NEVER WRONG.  

And no dear one, I will NOT link. It is not your religious views which make me *cringe* (more sarcasm), it is your filthy mouth. I have tried several other religions including no religion at all. I know what they have to offer, and I prefer having an eternity over having a feel good moment now.

she considers me a 'dear one'. a'ight. no complaints. where exactly is this 'eternity'? have you been there? have you seen it? is there proof of this? is it quantifiable? is it anything other than another fucking delusion? and if you've tried all these religions, how do you know that christianity is right and the others are all wrong? seems like a pretty risky bet to lay everything on some bullshit bronze-age tall tales that don't make any fucking sense when scrutinized by anyone with a functioning brain. as for my mouth, i don't give a fuck what you think. i speak the way i speak for effect, also, to celebrate the colorfulness of language. i don't like being told how i have to talk, write, speak. i don't harm anyone and i do what i want. you think it's filthy? that's on you. not my problem. don't fucking read it then. you probably (and i don't know this for sure, just conjecture) also think that naked bodies are disgusting and that children shouldn't know what sex is and that contraceptives are bad. if i'm wrong in assuming this, well, my bad. forgive me? i mean, what would JESUS do? really. 

And if your thinking is clear and mine delusional...then bring on the dream world. Enjoy this life, though because if Jesus is not your Lord; it is as close to heaven as you will ever know.

a threat. oh, yes, of course, this couldn't be a real christian delusionoid conversation without a THREAT. they love the THREAT. (it's always a threat they can never cash in on though.) i AM enjoying this life. i'm enjoying the FUCK OUTTA THIS LIFE. it's your kind -- delusionoids who can't stand the idea of liberty of thought, who HAVE to be all up in my fucking business, in my bedroom, government and public schools -- you're the ones making it difficult, the ones bringing down the species. we're trying to PROGRESS here but we can't as long as these fables are treated as fact and the worldviews they promote continue to divide and be intolerant of the rich varieties of life that exist on this fucking planet. but i try not to let it all bother me too much. and again, how close to this 'heaven' have you been? something tells me you don't know what the fuck you're talking about... i mean, you're not talking about anything that any educated person could possibly take seriously.

Be blessed brother. I will have your rebuttal soon. And don't worry, it won't take a bunch of bleeding heart pastors to help me. I am perfectly capable of holding my own.

wonderful. i'm happy for ya.

Love ya' now!

okie doke.
And always remember JESUS IS LORD.
if we're talking proverbial lords -- as in, i am the lord of of my apartment -- then, uh... whatevs. but jesus, to me -- and to anyone who has enough self-respect to have a fucking independent thought -- is just a historical figure who was embellished 70 years AFTER he was already fucking dead. his story is -- SURPRISE SURPRISE -- the same story as horus' story, the same as mithra's, the same as krishna's, the fucking same as osiris and about A BAZILLION OTHER FUCKING HERO WORSHIP STORIES.

do your homework.

holla back.

Cosby's cosby

when i was a kid, the cosby show was the shit. sure, saturday mornings were all about saved by the bell and nba inside stuff, but if we're talkin' weeknight television, the cosby show couldn't be beat.

i remember going to school and jammin' with my classmates about the hilarity that ensued from dr. huxtable and the gang the night before. phylicia rashad was my ideal mother figure... theo was my ideal self, and cliff... well, we all know that he WAS that show.

fast forward...

i can't remember the last time i sat down and watched a sit-com, week after week after week. do they even make those anymore?

(image via skull swap)

Two scams for the price of one!

here's a laugher.

got some aches? pains? ailments? slip on this snazzy bracelet with jesus' name on it and VOILA!

FUCKING CURED, BITCHES!!!

i am saddened by the fact that there are people out there fucking STUPID enough to buy this piece of shit.

but i guess the developers/marketers were pretty clever to target an already delusionoid-infected demographic for its piece-of-shit-made-up-crap product.

some people deserve to lose their money to asininity.

I'd pay good money for this...

... so i could do to it what i used to do to a lot of my star wars guys when i was a kid:

douse them with aquanet and light 'em on fire!

okay, so i wouldn't light a live cat on fire (though it's well known that i do despise felines)... but i would have a rip-roarin' time coming up with fun jabba-the-hut scenarios where cat is probably on the menu!

hot dog!

(image via skull swap)

New rising missionary baptist

really, when christians can't even get along with other christians (catholic, presbyterian, unitarian, lutheran, greek orthodox, baptist, non-denominational, methodist, fundamentalist, THE WHOLE FUCKING LOT OF CRAZIES)... when none of them can agree... surely, it can't be right.

surely.

Yah. i can relate.

(click to enlarge)

i certainly can relate to this. in fact, it reminds me a lot of running races. y'know, you train and train and train and then you push push push... during the race there are highs and lows and your whole life flashes before you and then you hit that finish line with nothing left -- and i mean nothing -- and you swear you never want to give yourself over to such pain again.

then later that night you're scouring the interwebs and forking over more dough so you can run another one.

what can i say? i'm a sucka for pain.

bring it the fuck on!!!

(via smbc)

India has some crazies too

as if the bible-thumpin' delusionoids don't have competition in the loony bin business...

these good folks in india are celebrating a festival called "holi", where hindus spread colored powder on one another. has something to do with krishna.

doesn't matter.

it's all bullshit.

and the sad part here is people are dying from the... yeah, you guessed it: colored powder.

that shit is full of poison and they just rub it all over each other, for their religion.

When will i ever fucking learn?

(have ya noticed i stick the word "fucking" in a lot entry titles? i just noticed that. ah... fuck it)

so i banned myself from dating several weeks ago...

then i broke my ban. yah. i know. just askin' for it.

and you're right.

when will i ever fucking learn?

women are hellbent on confusing the fucking shit out of me. it is making me a madman.

why must there be so many games. just...

SAY...

WHAT...

YOU FEEL.

Oh, the sense of entitlement

in case you've been cut off from the world, you know that my city (the chi) got fucking dumped on with snow several days ago. it was massive. i've never seen anything like it. the storm broke a window in my apartment by spitting debris. i was fucking shoveling snow OUT OF MY APARTMENT, which was shaking during the thunderous raucous by the way.

i survived.

these signs (like the one featured above), the cones, the lawn chairs on the fucking sides of streets where people have 'claimed dibs' to parking spots because they shoveled are fucking everywhere. and, in my opinion, they're atrociously offensive.

oh, so you shoveled that little area, so that's YOUR parking spot, eh?

during my morning run, when no one else was awake, i went through and knocked all those fucking signs, cones and lawn chairs off the street and put them in one big pile. go fuck yourselves, you selfishly lazy bums! i don't care if you spent 3 hours or 3 FUCKING DAYS shoveling, i pay taxes for these goddamn streets too and you ain't gonna out-bully me.

the day after that storm, i went out with my shovel and joined a brigade of good neighborhood folks in shoveling ALL the sidewalks on my block AND the street. there were about 50 of us: young, old, men, women, kids, chinese, white (me), latinos... we all pitched in. 'cuz that was the right thing to do.

and we got that shit done in no time.

Try tradin' places... it's fun

if i could be anyone else for a day, it'd be a real close toss-up between albert pujols and usher.

in the end, i think usher would win... cuz albert's jesus-lovin' dribble would eventually tire me.

this is one of my favorite usher tunes... the lyrics are so fucking stupid (grape jelly?), but he finds a way to make them sound fucking fantastic, which is a true testament to the man's talent.

also, i'm sure he gets lots of tail. i think i could handle living like that.

Two gays get yelled at by a christian delusionoid

in a logical society, we would call the crazy-train fella holding that cross below "the village idiot".

Tea unicorn

a friend of mine posted this pic on facebook the other day with the hilarious caption-turned-thread that proclaimed the apocalyptic return of a mighty unicorn as foreseen by the fortuitous tea residue formed in the shape of the unicorn at the brim of the cup there.

sounds fucking ridiculous doesn't it?

'cuz it is.

human beings... we see things we wanna see, believe things we wanna believe, not always because it's true, but because we can't stop our brains from fantasizing about "other". our minds are built to make connections; unfortunately, many of the connections are simply made-up, unreal and full of shit.

the tea unicorn. jesus as the son of "god". god/allah/yahweh/whatevs... all of that.

the mind's way of making sense of the world.

which, ironically, makes no fucking sense, 'cuz none of it can be proven.

*thanks to S for the pic

Let's examine this father of the year

obviously, this picture is a bit alarming. at first.

but why?

why is it alarming? upon closer inspection, the only thing i can tell that is going on that probably shouldn't be is that the father is only using one arm to hold his child.

there's a chick in a bikini on a bench? so.

so what?

what the fuck is wrong with that?

the world has real problems. dying resources, terrorism, religious fanaticism, genocide. so a kid sees a half naked chick, so the fuck what. part of the problem folks have today is rooted in a lost, shameful and misunderstood sense of sexuality.

like in every other avenue of life, being honest, being realistic and being mindful of others in a respectful way will get us where we need to go.

You and that damn facebook

i wonder, if i were to constantly put updates on my facebook about how i feel in regards to religion, how many facebook friends would i really have? (not that i give a fuck, by the way)

the reason i'm wondering this out loud is because i'm getting real sick and tired of seeing jeebus shit splattered all across my timeline... every day... on the regular... without being afforded the same opportunity/respect to write shit about how I FEEL.

my non-belief inspired posts/links/statuses/whatevs are supposedly offensive to so many.

so what? i don't give a fuck. don't like it? don't be my friend. i don't like the constant barrage of idiocy i'm subjected to, merely by being related to a lot of delusional religious drones, but i fucking put up with it and keep my commentary to a minimal yelp, IF that.

the free passes given to the mentally ill (read: religious folks) have gotta stop. i'm gonna start callin' people's shit out.

Please let hollywood & the music biz find a way...

... to make this a reality.

they were able to give me chocolate covered bacon...

they were able to give me natalie portman in a lesbian sex scene...

givin' me the dark side of the death star should be no prob.

Bill o'reilly proves that he IS really fucking stupid

and I MEAN STOOOOOOO-PIIIIIIIIIIIID.

really.

watch this:

"how'd it get there? who put it there? where'd that come from?"

look, bill... just because you can't understand it, doesn't make it less true.

get a fucking education and you'd realize how absolutely idiotic and WEAK you sound.

that's the sorta shit that makes me sick.

Not all hand jobs are created equally

remind me to stay away from this joint.

in fact, who ever wants just a hand job anyway? the last time i had my eyes set on gettin' a hand job i had pimples on my face, video games on my mind and i made pizza money stocking groceries at kroger's.

'Cuz the bible tells you so?

i find it very interesting that there are a good number of seemingly intelligent folks out there who do what they do, act like they act, just because the bible tells them to.

THE FUCKING BIBLE.

have you ever read the bible? i have. several times.

yeah, there are some good life lessons among all the bronze age bullshit, but you can get those same life lessons from curious fucking george books or episodes of saved by the bell (treat others as you would like to be treated, don't steal, don't fuck your best friend's wife, etc). i don't need a fucking bible to tell me that shit. it's COMMON FUCKING SENSE.

one of the reasons our species rose to the top was our ability to ask questions and figure shit out for ourselves. for those who blindly believe whatever their sunday school teacher taught them, just because, well, that's embarrassing -- a slap in the face to our caveman brethren who hammered a lot of phalanges with rocks to get us movin' on our intellectual way.

it couldn't be more clear: when you break down the bible and all the conflicting, fantasy-driven nonsense, it presents a worldview similar to that of the star wars saga. it's proverbial, it's dramatic, it's entertaining... and it's mostly make-believe.

Take some fucking initiative

someone close to me has this little habit of bitching all the time. about... everything. she lives a pretty good life. she has everything she's ever wanted. and relatively speaking, she doesn't have to work too hard or concern herself with too much to live the sorta perfect life she lives.

yet she's always complaining. and praying (out loud, on facebook mostly) for things to go her way. like, "please god let so-and-so not show up to the party so i don't have to deal with her" and then thanking god when it goes her way.

when it doesn't go her way, she just keeps complaining and praying for things to... yep, you guessed it, go her FUCKING WAY.

it's real sad and real weak.

if there's anything i fear, it's being a pussy. i don't want anyone to ever think of me as a wimp, a sissy, a doormat that can be walked on, someone who won't do some fucking work to accomplish some real fucking goals. and when i put effort into something, when i put in all that fucking work, i don't want to give the credit to some unseen, unproven, unbelievable sky daddy who had NOTHING TO FUCKING DO WITH IT.

so, i want to say something to this person, i want her to know she's being a real whiny, spoiled bitch. and that she might benefit from toughening up a bit so her children don't become weak. like her.

but i haven't found the nicest way to say that.

yet.

More fantasies unveiled

(click to enlarge)

i dunno. i still think the idea that any of the above wouldn't happen... eventually... is a bit naive. i think the idea of monogamy for life is a pretty out-there philosophy.

i've dated some pretty fantastic women in my lifetime, but with each one that lasted any significant amount of time, at some point, there was a definite "die-bang" moment... or moments.

of course, this comin' from the single guy watching kelly kapowski gifs in his spare time...

HOLLA!!!

(via smbc)

Ode to an old crush

my sisters and i used to watch saved by the bell -- RELIGIOUSLY. we saw every episode so many times that we'd recite the lines as zack, kelly, screech and the crew recited them themselves.

little did my sisters know that i was just using it as an excuse to stockpile masturbation images, to be used later...

hubba hubba.

;-)

The wishy washiness of the cross

the following is my OPINION, based on my EXPERIENCES, which, believe me... are a plenty.

- - -

i don't see eye to eye with muslims, but i respect that there's no bluriness in our respective stances. they believe in allah and they think that, because i don't, i deserve to die.

fair enough.

with the jews (the devout sort, not the ethnic kind), their anti-social and semi-secretive ways sorta keep me out of what's really going on, but at least they leave me alone.

the buddhists, hindus, other sorts...

they're my favorites because they don't bother you at all. they could care less what you think, about them or about you, and best of all, they stay out of my schools, my government and my life. period.

i can dig that.

but, good grief, christians!!! jesus fucking christ christians!!!! they can be the most annoying creatures on the planet! they feel the need to control you. to change your mind. to be all up in your business, to pry, to scorn, to crawl into your bedroom, to squeeze into our schools and our courts. like cockroaches they're everywhere. they yearn to force you under the same fucking hypnotic bullshit spell they've been cast under because they've been told it's something they have to do. they tiptoe back and forth between the real world and the fairytale world (the two cannot mesh; you either believe one or the other) and they smile at you while ridiculing you and damning you to hell behind your back.

but, the good news is:

there is no such thing as hell.

Holla!!!

in addition to the myriad forms of "fuck" and "delusionoid", i also find frequent use in the word/phrase/exclamation "HOLLA!!!!"

it goes back to my childhood, where my back-road river-ridin' toothpick-chewin' elders were often heard yammerin' "g'on and holler at them neighborkids".

i'm not kidding.

"holler" was (still is) a word that really came to represent my family. we holler at folks. we don't yell.

and then, there was ja-rule, who did a good job of rulin' my musical world for a few years in the late 90s.

for we youthful skykillers, "holler" quickly became "holla" and we never looked back.

in fact, "holla!!!" has unofficially become the preferred salutation for the entire skykiller clan under the age of forty.

so trow ya hands up 'n HOLLA!!!

Star wars and hoohas

um... yah.

this is how i will always remember star wars.

this is the shit i'd skip school to see, the shit i'd willingly get in a fist fight over, the shit i'd make my grandkids watch one day.

not that jar jar binks shit.

but of course, you already knew that.

Some good came from religion...

... like, the tune of ave maria for example.

beautiful.

perfect.

one of my most favorite songs EVER when done right.

here's bobby mcferrin's version. i love this man. he is so, so good and so, so kind and so, so talented.

check it!