Let them have (stormtrooper) cake

click *HERE* to see this fabulous creation.

ps, i wanna marry that girl.

Cheering for grey

i'm ALWAYS cheering for grey. and often i'm doing it obnoxiously. how dare you not load as fast as i want you to, internet video. how fucking dare you!
upon reflection, my desire to have everything NOW without EVER waiting is a bit suspect, isn't it?

then again, like my dead grand daddy used to say, "they could put a man on the moon, but they can't fix this fucking pothole in front of my driveway..."

(image via skull swap)

Pffff!!!

okay, SOMEBODY owes me a new keyboard!!!

Here kitty kitty

my distaste for the feline species culminates in this dramatic doll representation of my desires

(image via skull swap)

Does he look like a bitch?

i saw this pic on skull swap and LOL'd my ass off.

first, it's jules winnfield in his post-brain clean-up baby blue tee... second, he's playing one of my favorite childhood games (guess who) and finally, "bitch" is always funny when said in jules' bible-thumpin' voice.

for those of you who might remember guess who, i realized later on in life how sexist that game is. i mean, if you draw a female card, you're fucked. (if you've played the game, you know what i'm talkin' about.)

HOLLA!!!

Strippity doo da

it's been a little over a year since i've been to a strip club. it was vegas, i was part of a roving bachelor party that experienced very little sleep and an enormously high volume of alcohol, and i barely remember any of it.

but i do remember thinking: glad i don't do this often.

i like the idea of a strip club... i really do. but in reality, strip clubs are best left to the rich and the young. i can think of a billion other things i'd rather drop $50 on, and a clothed dry hump from some chick who smells like cotton candy and cheap vodka ain't one of 'em.

when you're young, it's a thrill, to see all those hot naked chicks walking around like it's no big deal. when you grow up, it's just not that impressive, especially if you have cable. 

if i were rich, blowing money on dry humps wouldn't be that big of a deal. but i ain't, so it is.

*best strip club memory*: my dad took me to a strip club for my 27th birthday, down in houston. we went to the bank beforehand and exchanged two one-hundred dollar bills for 200 one-dollar bills. the female teller made the transaction while givin' us the stink eye, like she was judging us for what we were about to do (pretty obvious, right?) and my dad just started busting up laughing. he thought it was the funniest thing in the world. he couldn't control himself. it was awesome.

and oh yeah, he bought me a dry hump from a hot thang named SPICE that night. that's what dads are for yo!!!

(image via skull swap)

I totally know how ya feel, batman

i mean, i won't go as far as to say i 'hate' someone, especially someone i was once intimate with, because i don't. i don't hate people (maybe islamic terrorists, but that's about it). still, some breakups hurt more than others and the only thing one can do to shield himself from the pain is to say fuck it and totally disassociate with her all together. it's the only way.

(image via skull swap)

I'd pay good money for this...

... so i could do to it what i used to do to a lot of my star wars guys when i was a kid:

douse them with aquanet and light 'em on fire!

okay, so i wouldn't light a live cat on fire (though it's well known that i do despise felines)... but i would have a rip-roarin' time coming up with fun jabba-the-hut scenarios where cat is probably on the menu!

hot dog!

(image via skull swap)

rock and a hard place

you know me. i fucking hate cats. i hate them so much.

but i can't hold back my smiley laughter after seein' the above.

sometimes i wonder... do people stage these internet memey pics?

i'd be a real fucking idiot to think they're all genuine... but shit, this one looks legit as hell. i mean, how ya get a fucking idiot cat to do... well, anything, on command?

(image via skull swap)

Just because...

saw this and smiled.

just because.

(via skull swap)

I'd pay to see that shit

fuck winnie the pooh...

i wanna hear walken read out the bible.

that would be some funny ass shit.

"Behold, I have... GIVEN... you every plant yielding SEED... which... ... ... is upon THE face of all the earth, and every TREE... with... seed in its fruit... and that fruit... is my cock."

(image via skull swap)

Leia or elaine?

tough choice but i think i'd settle for both.

(via skull swap)

My crush 2

crush.

crush.

and crush hard.

i've already brought up my love for jenna fischer (aka PAM).

well, then there's julia segal. totally dig. she's real. she has a website. i check her website like fifty times a day. (i wish i was kidding)

she's funny hilarious. she's pretty goregous. and she's got a problem boyfriend...

damn.

i was too late.