Ah... yes! now it all makes sense!

My church is better than their church

i love being outdoors. i crave sunlight. i live off of activity, gotta be moving.

trail running is one of those things i indulge in. every sunday i pack up my car and head to the palos forest preserve and go crazy on the miles and miles of single track at my disposal. zipping down the slopes, slogging up the bluffs, hop-scotching horse shit and racing the mosquitos...

that's my church.

when i strap on my kicks and enter the forest, i am entering holy ground... holier ground than you'll ever find in some ornate roman-catholic cathedral, holier ground than you'll find at any mosque, at any synagogue.

man is not holy. man likes to THINK he is holy, but he's full of shit. and all of the above things are made by man, for man (whether you admit to that truth or not).

the forest though... that's fucking nature. and if you wanna know the beauty of nature, go play in her playground every sunday like i do.

and if you wanna know the wrath of nature -- a wrath far more powerful than any make-believe sky daddy angst -- just go out into mother nature's playground unprepared. forget your water bottle, don't bring any snacks, get caught in a violent storm and see how long you last.

mother nature*... that's something i don't fuck with. i give her all the respect in the world.

*DISCLAIMER: i use "mother nature" as a metaphor for NATURE. i don't believe there is an actual mother out there running around watering flowers and shit.

Not a joke, but it should be

by now, it's quite obvious how ridiculous the catholic church is. they're into pedophilia coverups, racism, sexism... they hate the gays... and they do crazy shit like say they're drinking the blood of jeebus.

a female friend of mine is going to be in a catholic wedding soon and she has just been informed that all of the bridesmaids (she's one of them) have to find an accessory to cover their shoulders during the service because this particular parish FORBIDS bare shoulders.

sure, makes total sense. bare female shoulders almost ALWAYS leads to MEN EVERYWHERE JERKING OFF IN UNISON, LUSTING AND PERFORMING ODD SEX ACTS LIKE RABID ANIMALS LOCKED UP FOR CENTURIES FAR FAR AWAY FROM THE FAIRER SEX.

give me a fucking break, catholic church. you are so fucking full of yourselves, so fucking blind to reality, to progress, to ANYTHING that makes sense in our modern world.

you're not in the saving business, you're in the fucking mind control business.

you make me fucking sick.

My point, exactly

(via smbc)

Beatifying schmeatifying

not only are catholics delusional, but they are also extremely efficient at pomp and bullshit circumstance.

pope john paul II got beatified... whatever the fuck that means.

i do know that it's another step towards sainthood... which is just another act of delusionoidism. they believe that their popey pope can do magic just like their jeebus.

i know one thing: sitting back and letting sexual deviancy infiltrate the ranks ain't no thang when it comes to lobbying for sainthood, beatifying or whatevs.

but what can one really expect from an institution that has reeked of corruption and evil for centuries and centuries and centuries...???

I'm all over this thing...

democrat (for the most part), environmentalist, abortionist, fornicator, gambler, pervert (not the bad kind though, just your normal pervert), idolater (i have a thing for putting albert pujols up on a pedestal), liberal, high falutin (he spelled it wrong), sophisticated swine and sports nut.

whew.

but, i gotta agree, "emos" and "loud mouth women" are the worst.

HILARABS!

Finally, a jeebus i find interesting

i wouldn't put it past the church of delusionoids out there to try and spice jeebus up a little bit. i mean, that rob bell fella seems to be doing something similar to that.

problem is, you can't just pick and choose what parts of the bible you wanna follow. i mean, using the christian argument that "the bible is the holy word of god" makes it impossible for you to eschew the parts where daddy rapes his daughters and it's cool and all yet embrace the part where jeebus says "turn the other cheek".

no. it's either all, or nothin'.

and since common sense would lead an educated person to conclude it's NOTHIN', i see no harm in introducing cyborg pirate ninja jeebus to the world.

in fact, it might even be fun.

(image via skull swap)

One minute and twenty-four seconds of pure terror

nothing makes my skin crawl more than watching children parade the highfalutin and inexcusable, delusional, ass-backwards claims of their so-called elders.

children don't get a choice. they do as they see, as they're told. they're vulnerable. when it comes to force-feeding religion, i think if you really loved your children you would allow them to make their own spiritual and/or philosophical choices. pumping them up full of vitriolic bullshit then pushing them out the door is not only a disservice to them as floundering youths, but also a HUGE FUCKING HIT ON HUMANITY AS A WHOLE.

WE DON'T FUCKING NEED FAIRY TALES TO EXPLAIN SHIT ANYMORE. SO CUT THAT SHIT OUT.

Gimme a fucking break, popey pope

in the pope's latest (and i'll admit lamest) attempt to appear worthy of the secular (read: anti-delusional) world's attention, he "lifts blame from jews for christ's death".

well, well, well, mr. funny hat. congratufuckinglations. i'm so glad you found time to lift that blame from the jews. that was really kind of you. i'm sure the jews are really, really relieved that you found it in your heart to do that.

maybe as an encore you can lift the hate and intolerance that STILL permeates your fabricated institution that teaches practical dissonace over open-mindedness and logic-based rationality.

maybe it's all the ghosts and spirits and make-believe shit clouding your mind.

i dunno.

but, please. think about it.

think about it deeply.

'Cuz the bible tells you so?

i find it very interesting that there are a good number of seemingly intelligent folks out there who do what they do, act like they act, just because the bible tells them to.

THE FUCKING BIBLE.

have you ever read the bible? i have. several times.

yeah, there are some good life lessons among all the bronze age bullshit, but you can get those same life lessons from curious fucking george books or episodes of saved by the bell (treat others as you would like to be treated, don't steal, don't fuck your best friend's wife, etc). i don't need a fucking bible to tell me that shit. it's COMMON FUCKING SENSE.

one of the reasons our species rose to the top was our ability to ask questions and figure shit out for ourselves. for those who blindly believe whatever their sunday school teacher taught them, just because, well, that's embarrassing -- a slap in the face to our caveman brethren who hammered a lot of phalanges with rocks to get us movin' on our intellectual way.

it couldn't be more clear: when you break down the bible and all the conflicting, fantasy-driven nonsense, it presents a worldview similar to that of the star wars saga. it's proverbial, it's dramatic, it's entertaining... and it's mostly make-believe.

The wishy washiness of the cross

the following is my OPINION, based on my EXPERIENCES, which, believe me... are a plenty.

- - -

i don't see eye to eye with muslims, but i respect that there's no bluriness in our respective stances. they believe in allah and they think that, because i don't, i deserve to die.

fair enough.

with the jews (the devout sort, not the ethnic kind), their anti-social and semi-secretive ways sorta keep me out of what's really going on, but at least they leave me alone.

the buddhists, hindus, other sorts...

they're my favorites because they don't bother you at all. they could care less what you think, about them or about you, and best of all, they stay out of my schools, my government and my life. period.

i can dig that.

but, good grief, christians!!! jesus fucking christ christians!!!! they can be the most annoying creatures on the planet! they feel the need to control you. to change your mind. to be all up in your business, to pry, to scorn, to crawl into your bedroom, to squeeze into our schools and our courts. like cockroaches they're everywhere. they yearn to force you under the same fucking hypnotic bullshit spell they've been cast under because they've been told it's something they have to do. they tiptoe back and forth between the real world and the fairytale world (the two cannot mesh; you either believe one or the other) and they smile at you while ridiculing you and damning you to hell behind your back.

but, the good news is:

there is no such thing as hell.

Lahdy fucking dah

have ya heard the news, people? the pope -- yeah, the funny old ex-nazi with a penchant for protecting baby-rapers -- has given his blessing on social networking, saying it's okay for us to indulge in cyberspace as long as we maintain genuine, solid, relationships in the real world.

of course, you are not included in this blessing if you are any of the following:

 -- smart
 -- gay
 -- non-catholic (so all you jews and muslims and buddha lovers can get lost too)
 -- vigilant against catholic sanctioned crimes against our youth

i'm sure there are other categories of people who can piss off, according to the popey pope, but i'm not gonna waste any more time getting into it.  the double standards are still there.  the church is still intent on controlling the masses (read: the stupid).  and shit ain't gonna change unless we start calling them out on their delusionoid idiocy.

Sex, lies & DELUSIONOIDISM

a 1997 penned letter from the vatican that encouraged irish bishops not to report all child abuse cases to the police has been discovered. you can read about this bullshit *here*.

what i don't understand is this:

WHY ISN'T THIS A FUCKING HEADLINE IN EVERY FUCKING NEWSPAPER IN THE WORLD?

why bury it in the 'europe' section. how many americans give a fuck about europe?

exactly.

i hate to seem like i'm picking on the catholic church, but, well, shit, i am picking on the catholic church because that institution is wickedly sick, delusional and downright fucking dangerous.

someone has to keep calling them out.

will you?

These crazy delusionoids run powerful countries!!!

tony blair.

george dubya.

the pope.

i don't care what position they have/had. they're all fucking crazy to any sensible, rational person. and we allow them and people like them to have the power to fight wars on our behalf. we do that.

we allow it.

and we ought to be ashamed.

You can't be smart & believe in this stuff. really.

i'm sorry. but the bat-shit-crazy-sky-god-lovin-delusionoids CANNOT have it both ways. you cannot be taken seriously, as someone with some sign of intelligence, and at the same time believe this nutball priest actually talks to demons.

and casts them out.

of fucking people's bodies.

YOU CAN'T!

sorry. i know you'd like to. and i know it's p.c. to not call you out on this bullshit. but i'm fucking tired of it. i'm tired of being a slave to your ignorant desire to reject progression, just because you are too lazy to do your fucking homework.

fuck that.

I thought of a name for my hypothetical band.

NUN-FRISK

NUNCHUCKS MUTHAFUCKA!

dem crazy muthafuckin' brits are at it again!!!!!

now this is what i call a weapon of mass fucking destruction! they can kill people, they can kill boners, they can kill free thought, they can kill sanity...

and much fucking more!

What i learned as a priest

so i went as a priest for halloween. here's what i learned:

• people are more apt to talk to you
• when you walk around you feel a sort of power over everyone else, that you can do things or get things easier than someone who isn't a wearing that silly collar
• everyone assumes you have some strange sexual fetish
• no one questions the insanity for which you stand

Oh the subtle ironies of my halloween costume...

bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha....

They like to have it both ways

(click on the image to make it bigger, so you can read it and enjoy it)

they take credit for everything but don't wanna admit to the big, gaping, wide-as-the-fucking-milky-way holes in their logic.

if i were religious... the embarrassment alone would snap me out of it.

(via smbc)