To keep my word, or to not keep my word, that is the fucking problem

uh oh. never thought this would come back to haunt me. but it is. and i just hafta share... 'cuz i'm a callous bastard sometimes.

so, in high school, i dated this really cute girl for a while. she was blonde, petite, played tennis, had a killer rack and an even more devastating ass. this makes me sound like a pig. i know.

well, fuck. i'm a dude, what else do you expect? i don't pull punches. this is how it fucking is. why run away from it?

anyway, so this girl and i... one day we're in the park making out and stuff and we see this great big fat couple. i mean huge -- gigantically and morbidly obese... like french fries and krispy kremes were falling out of their extra folds of skin, that's how big they were.

and being the immature kids we were, we snickered. we were rude. we were assholes.

she turns to me and says, "if i ever look like that, please, just kill me."

"okay." i replied laughing.

"no. seriously. if i ever look like that, you have to kill me. i couldn't take it. promise?"

"uh...sure. i promise."

okay, now fast-forward 15 years and realize we'd lost touch for about 12 of those years. i wake up one day to find a facebook friend request from some jabba the hutt impostor with her name.

uh oh.

i clicked through her pictures and lo and behold: that once petite and gorgeous head-turner has turned into a perfect candidate for gastric bybass surgery.

so... does this mean i have to kill her now?



  1. You should drop a few hints and see if she remembers the conversation first.

    My best friend when I was a teenager promised me his skull in the event of his untimely death, yet a few years later when he was murdered I didn't feel right about mentioning the promise to his family.

    Perhaps your promise falls into a similar category to his promise.

  2. wow... yeah, i'm thinkin' the best thing would to be just forget the conversation ever happened

  3. "What would you like your last meal to be? And would you like a cigarette afterwards? Remember? You asked me to kill you."
    signed - your past.

    ...I mean if you're into getting a reaction...I guess.