Just read the fucking thing

i have a friend who has decided to read the bible, from front to back, just to make sure his lifelong hunch that it's all rubbish is actually valid.

he's barely through leviticus and he already knows it's full of shit.

DUH! 'CUZ IT IS!

at leviticus, shit, by now god has already determined how much he hates women, gay people and PORK! whether it's the bible or the koran or whatever, i mean, if you really take the time to read the mutherfucker, there is no way one could actually take any of it seriously! but xtrians don't do that. muslims don't do that. or, if they do, they just pick and choose, blinded by idiot teachings of their youth. if the book i'm reading tells me that if i leave this organization my penalty will be death and it will be just, then you better bet i'm gonna be questioning the shit outta that mutherfucker.

instead, the delusional continue to be delusional and this is actually a problem. a HUGE problem. and i'm seeing it everywhere, in places it should NEVER EVER EVER be, like the US presidential race.

here is a recent comment on the project reason website's recent post fearing the theoretical decision-making skills of one delusional rick perry:

I have no basis in experience with Perry to say this, but I’ll venture my guess anyway based on the experience I have with other people of faith.  He genuinely believes in the broad strokes of his Christian faith, but, like nearly every other practitioner, has never had to conduct any searching examination of the soundness of those beliefs.  If religious indoctrination in a protestant faith is as breezy and intellectually vapid as it is in catholic church, then there’s really no information beyond fairy tale telling passing from one generation to another.  When this gobbledygook is presented to a child, they don’t know to question any of it.  By the time a person obtains enough maturity and life experience to begin doubting what their parents tell them, they’re already an adherent to this world of ridiculous ideas.

Why should Perry be any different?  He’s simply emotionally committed to a ridiculous idea spoon fed to him as a child.

this dude is right on it. and the fact that the delusionoids he describes are multiplying rather than going away, is one of those things that keeps me up at night.

Heart broken

been listening to owl city's latest album over and over again because i just can't get enough of its synthy pop melodic awesomeness.

though recently, one of the songs (called "galaxies") peaked my interest for a different reason: there's a lot of reference to "god" and shit. it wasn't until i really listened to the lyrics that i began to ask myself "is adam young a delusionoid?????"

off to the google machine i went and yep. sure enough, dude is a fucking delusionoid xtrian.

i cried.

a little.

oh well, happens to the best of them. albert pujols. evander holyfield.

can't fucking win them all. i still love the music, just like i still love baseball and boxing despite the saturation of crazy.

But look how far we've cum!

i remember the days when getting your hands on porn was quite the fucking chore! if you had access to a vhs tape in your own house that was enough to satisfy you for years!

but nowadays, well, we've just got too many choices.

i have the same problem when i go to the grocery store and see fifty billion different types of cereal.

GODAMMIT!!!

Lunchablez

while i recognize lunchables are basically just processed boxes of crap with little nutritional value, i sure would consider purchasing them if this commercial were real.

HAPPY FUCKING MONDAY YO!!!

Blowin' my mind

unless we can figure out a way to have female pornstars play baseball at the major league level, i can't think of any more visually stimulating chimeras than this blend of dali and the greatest galactic story ever told.

someone needs to go through and make a whole series. i would buy that shit up. fast.

(via skull swap)

An odd way around the language barrier

i am a fluent mandarin chinese speaker. it's one of the few identifying characteristics i have. so my coworkers often ask me to order lunch from chinatown... except, a couple of their favorite places are run by cantonese speakers who don't know a lick of mandarin so i am forced to communicate with them in english.

only, they can't understand my english... unless i speak it wiss a chinese assent.

you unnersan my meaning?

so, odd as it may look to my colleagues, there i go... regularly speaking with an offensive chinese assent so dey can unnersan i wanting chinese brocori... not so much having merican brocori.

Lip burned

i went running for a few hours on a really sunny day recently and my lips got burned!

in 32 1/2 years i have NEVER had sunburned lips and let me tell you, it has been such a strange feeling that i can't help but laugh at myself. i feel like i've been making out with a jalapeno all fucking day.

but i bought this aloe-based lip balm that gives me that AHHHHHH feeling and i almost want to continuoulsy have lip burn so i can feel that as often as possible.

Oh to be young and dumb again

this was tipped from stuff fundies like but i had to share because i equal the sentiment.

i mean, putting on a tie and parting one's hair does not make one less delusional. i recall being in his shoes, having xtrian propaganda shoved down my throat, wanting to impress my elders.

makes me feel dirty now.

Fuck yeah friday!

it's no secret that i love me the sound of the f-bomb. just... feels awesome to say! out loud, quietly, to yourself, to a crowd...

anyway, i think i really got going with the f-bomb when i started watching the winnebago man over and over and over again. he made it... elegant.

and now, bob odenkirk makes it... FUNNY!

The quest for bleach

like most impressionable middle-class youths in the early 90s, i was deeply in love with the revolutionary sound of nirvana. from the minute i heard the very first guitar riff from smells like teen spirit, i was a fan fanatic obsessed.

i recall saving my money so i could buy the entire album, one of the first three CDs i ever bought (the other two were queen's greatest hits and eric clapton unplugged).

but it wasn't until i found out that smells like teen spirit wasn't actually their debut album that i showed my first signs of being insane. of course, in those days, there was no internet, there was no itunes. if dude wanted some obscure music, he had to work hard to get it.

the music store where i bought my tapes and CDs was little help. they said they would try to order it but, for whatever reason, it couldn't be ordered.

but i didn't give up. some friends and i teamed up, and we began a rigorous search to find what we were looking for and after several weeks of letter writing, information pooling and lots of guts, we finally had a dubbed tape of the bleach album.

up to that point, i had never tasted such sweet victory, despite coming to the conclusion that indeed, bleach was a pretty shitty debut album.

Outnumbered, silenced and jaded

while off in delusionoid city this past weekend, i was reminded just how much of a minority i really am.

oh sure, i'm still a middle class white guy, but at a party my sister threw i was a) the oldest person in the room b) the only one without a mate c) one of two who was not married (the other was engaged) d) the only one without a child e) the only one who does not own a home or a car made within the last decade.

other than my sister and her family, i didn't know any of the folks at the party and upon meeting all of them it seemed the only things they cared to know about me were: are you married? do you have kids? what do you do for a living? their reactions to my answers to all of the above told me they all felt sorry for me. SERIOUSLY!!!

and, even worse, they were also all delusionoids! one woman spoke openly about why she and her husband did not use birth control: "because god doesn't make mistakes".

oh. m'kay. then why bother putting all that makeup on, you stupid fucking bitch!?!?!?!

Exploiting a child for the sake of stupid

if aliens ever do land on earth and want to take some folks off this rock, i will be one of the very first to sign up because of stupid shit like the above. i cannot stand being subjected to this sort of idiocy much longer.

(story via christian nightmares)

And now for this public service announcement:

Heroic gifs part 2

(via skull swap)

Heroic gifs part 1

 

 (via skull swap)

Fear mongering

this is what i had drilled into me too. you better prepare, you better know your bible verses, you better do as your told and never ask questions, you better not touch your junk and make yourself ejaculate, you better not have any thoughts about naked hot chicks that aren't your wife, you better believe muslims are dirty and wrong and evil and you better believe in all this crazy shit without asking any questions OR ELSE...

YOU WILL FUCKING BURN IN ETERNAL HELL YOU LITTLE FUCKING PRICK

Go military go!

after all the hogschwaggle i hear from our troops overseas promoting that bearded guy in the sky, it's quite refreshing to know that our armed forces do have some logic inspired souls.

and now they wanna have a concert. they wanna have a pro-non-belief concert.

sure. why not? the xtrian delusionoids get all the fucking concerts they want. hell, they even get taxpayer dollars to pay for some of their crazy-ass shit, so why not let smart people have a little shindig every once in while?

well, you know the delusionoids are having shit fits over this. and of course, their bread and butter freedom of speech argument somehow doesn't cover those who choose to speak freely on the wonders of logic.

go fucking figure.

Off to delusionoid city!!!

well, it's that time again... time to visit with the delusionoid side of my family. i'm lucky in that this particular family member is pretty good about not shoving the xtrian jeebus thing in my face because she knows i can hardly stand it. she knows she'll never prove to me that her god exists. she knows that trying to do so will only make everyone uncomfortable (i've made her cry a couple times, not on purpose, but because i was "slandering" JEEEEEEsus).

though it does bother me that she and her husband are quite delusional, i must say that they still are very kind people (despite being insane) and i love them to death (even though they believe in fairy tales).

so this will be fun.

And now for this important safety announcement:

image via those crazy fucking brits

Waking up from the dream

there is a certain worldview that is instilled in the hearts of young americans from birth. it is that you can be whatever you want to be. it is that you are entitled because you live in the greatest country in the world. it is that you deserve respect no matter what because of your origin of birth and anyone who tries to get in the way is evil. it is that you are the keeper of the castle. it is that you are special. it is that your country will always look out for you. it is that famine, war and disaster will never touch you as long as you are on american soil.

and all of the above is GODDAMNNED FUCKING LIE.

WAKE UP!

it took me 32 years to see the truth: that my government doesn't give two shits about me, that all it cares about is MONEY MONEY MONEY and POWER POWER POWER and that it would just assume tax my ass to death and send my brothers and sisters off to die for no reason other than to fatten uncle sam's pocketbooks, that the politicians can't and won't take care of me, that i'm on my own.

and i'm trapped by the boundaries of my own social class.

the american fucking dream is just that: a dream.

not reality.

the sooner we deal with that, as a people, the better.

The best damn thing i've read in a long, long time

this is a repeat for some, but it doesn't matter 'cuz i can't emphasize how dead on THIS ARTICLE is. i wish every delusionoid would dust the blind arrogance off his chipped shoulder and take the time to realize he has no fucking clue either and that that is totally okay.

*thanks to all who informed me of this important piece yesterday. y'all know who you are.

So delusional that they actually can be that sure

to be so positive that you put your life on something that has ZERO empirical evidence or ANY sign of ANYTHING even REMOTELY resembling logic based on what we now know to be true (things like... the world is round, not flat; slavery is bad; being gay is totally natural) requires a person that is literally, fucking crazy.

if i said i was jeebus' brother and i came back to save the world from evil and to deliver my brother's devout followers into the kindgom of heaven, people would lock me up and put me in a loony bin.

stop.

STOP this fucking MADNESS.

Figured it out

other than the fact that i'm highly allergic, i think i figured out why i hate cats so much.

because i'm jealous.

I finally know what i wanna be when i grow up

More insanity pumped up by the "press"

the blind leading the blind yo!

QUIT MAKING IT OKAY FOR THESE CRAZY DELUSIONOIDS TO CREDIT THEIR INVISIBLE FRIENDS!!!!

"god" didn't do fucking shit! what you have presented here is NOT SCIENCE.

it's HORSE SHIT.

Revolution

there was a time when i played about 4 or 5 hours of chess, everyday for about a year. i got really good at it. i studied it, i watched the best players i could and tried to get in their heads. i sat and stared at the board for hours... and this never occurred to me:

FUCKIN A MAN!

Being aware sucks sometimes

maybe that's why most people eschew complete awareness.

because when one really opens himself up to what is going on all around him, it's hard to be a whiny bitch and feel good about it.

still, i'm not perfect. and i struggle with it daily.

i don't want to be so reliant on things and materials and shit that doesn't matter, but i get sucked into it all the same.

my worries tend to revolve around money. i never have enough of it. i feel overworked, underpaid. my job is not enjoyable so i end up dwelling on that fact rather than making the best of it. i'm not proud of that fact, but it is the truth.

so, with being aware, one must also learn how to put in perspective what matters and what doesn't.

and right now, whether or not i have those new shoes or those new jeans or those new gaiters doesn't really fucking matter.

to my own credit though, i'm still watching all major league baseball games on a shitty ass 28 inch tube television. so i should get points for that.

Check out libertopia

tired of being taxed out yer giggy with the following...???
- - -
building permit tax
CDL license tax
cigarette tax
corporate income tax
dog license tax
excise taxes
federal income tax
federal unemployment tax (FUTA)
fishing license tax
food license tax
fuel permit tax
gasoline tax
gross receipts tax
hunting license tax
inheritance tax
inventory tax
IRS interest charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
liquor tax
luxury taxes
marriage license tax
medicare tax
personal property tax
property tax
real estate tax
service charge tax
social security tax
road usage tax
recreational vehicle tax
sales tax
school tax
state income tax
state Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
telephone federal excise tax
telephone federal universal service fee tax
telephone federal, state and local surcharge taxes
telephone minimum usage surcharge tax
telephone recurring and nonrecurring charges tax
telephone state and local tax
telephone usage charge tax
utility taxes
vehicle license registration tax
vehicle sales tax
watercraft registration tax
well permit tax
workers compensation tax
---
then check out LIBERTOPIA!

A really fucking bad joke

what do you get when you combine the hallucinatory theologies of delusionoids and the dolled-up lies of the state?

a fucking nightmare!!!

(vid via christian nightmares)

Here kitty kitty

my distaste for the feline species culminates in this dramatic doll representation of my desires

(image via skull swap)

Why do they still have their jobs?

one blaring characteristic of modern day USAmerica is that it's fucking broke and it doesn't fucking care 'cuz it just keeps spending. this is a terrible message to send to its people who have been doing the same thing and getting buried in debt.

the difference between the average joe and the average politician (almost qualified that with "corrupt" but isn't that redundant?) is that the average joe is going to suffer for it while the average politician gets to keep his cushy job with his cushy perks and his cushy summer home.

WE NEED TO FIRE THESE FUCKTARDS.

if i were to screw up my company so bad by taking out loans i could never repay the way washington is happy to do, i'd be standing in the fucking unemployment line.

but when DC suits do it, they parade around and shake hands and look busy and smile for cameras.

if republicans and democrats are both against bankrupting our country, then why are we bankrupt? if republicans and democrats are both against war then why the fuck are we fighting TWO of them???

it's times like this where i start frantically searching for that invisible RESET button.

A sam harris inspired thought

i don't believe in astrology. people with fully functional brains tend to not believe in that sorta horseshit make-believe. but that doesn't make it necessary for me to DEFINE myself as a non-astrologer.

same with magic. we all know there is no such thing as "MAGIC" but that doesn't mean i have to define myself as a NON-MAGICIAN.

which is why i don't like having to be labeled as an "atheist". i simply refuse to believe in an unprovable lie.

(inspired by the archived sam harris article tipped by j2)

My version of the last supper

just think about how much more interesting this story would be if jesus were a flamboyant pre-teen who wanted to be a magician when he grew up.

eat my flesh and drink my fucking blood, bitches!!!

A maggot under an electron microscope

funny. here i thought for sure we'd see the face of benny hinn under there.

(image via bf)

I can haz that!

i fucking hate ties!

I can haz that!

looking at this picture is much like watching a tennis match.
my head goes back and forth back and forth and back and forth.
i can't make up my mind so both it is!

Fuck that, IGNORE

'cuz you know he's just gonna spam the shit outta ya with invites to stupid Xtrian segregated events where they worship an invisible sky daddy and judge all those who aren't there. then he'll upload a bazillion pics and start taggin' the shit outta ya EVEN IF you aren't in the fucking picture...

AND THEN he will probably start sending mass messages to all his "friends" -- again, people you don't know nor care about -- and then THEY will bombard your ass with a bazillion REPLY TO ALL messages of, yes, you guessed it, SHIT YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT.

don't worry, you'll only be missing out on delusions.

Does he look like a bitch?

i saw this pic on skull swap and LOL'd my ass off.

first, it's jules winnfield in his post-brain clean-up baby blue tee... second, he's playing one of my favorite childhood games (guess who) and finally, "bitch" is always funny when said in jules' bible-thumpin' voice.

for those of you who might remember guess who, i realized later on in life how sexist that game is. i mean, if you draw a female card, you're fucked. (if you've played the game, you know what i'm talkin' about.)

HOLLA!!!

"Keep ya head up"

when it comes to tupac songs, ya really can't get much better than this.

it's one of those songs that i keep in the back of my head at all times and it has gotten me through some rough shit.

ya know, like... people dying. getting my heart broken. being locked up.

so bump that shit yo!

I can haz that!

this picture makes me want to be the color pink.
and i have no shame in saying that.
yum.

Slow down, pay attention and take note of how little we know

i've mentioned before that i'm actively trying to pay more attention to my surroundings, to always be aware of where i am, what's going on in the space around me, how are or would my actions affect the environment, etc.

this has given me a greater appreciation for life, for all its intricacies and oddities.

it reminds me that, really, i know nothing. i know a miniscule amount about the world in which i live.

i went out the door the other day and just decided to walk around the park and look at stuff. i got on my hands and knees and watched a community of ants do some heavy duty lifting for about 30 minutes. it was better than any t.v. show i've seen. cuz it was real. it was in my face. i felt like they were doing a little show just for me.

and later i sat by the pond and watched four ducks interact in a strange and repetitive routine that involved stretching their necks high above the water then gliding across the water real fast before going into a dive.

i sat there, mesmerized by nature, and thought, how the fuck could those fucking christian delusionoids think they really know all there is to know about how the universe came to be, that they know some fucking bearded sky daddy snapped his fingers and boom. there it is.

if, in the grand scheme of the universe, i am ignorant, then the delusionoids have to be somewhere between single-celled organism and fucking bat-shit crazy.

Box a motherfucker

in looking for a more enjoyable cross training activity to supplement my running than swimming and biking i stumbled upon a groupon for a 2 month membership to a boxing club in my neighborhood.

i have always been curious about boxing, wondering if i could handle something that rigorous, if i could keep up.

well, shit, i can run marathons now so i'm sure i'm fit enough to try.

so i did.

and let me tell ya... it fucking rocks.

i think it's better conditioning than running actually. it builds more endurance, more antidotes for pain. it's more miserable, it smells bloody awful and there's a motherfucker yelling in your face a lot. but at the end of the workout, you wanna hug your trainer for making you feel so bad. it's really quite unexplainable.

and just like with runners, i feel like the boxing community is a more amicable lot than most other clicks. everyone is so nice and so caring and so interested in one another's lives. it makes sense cuz you're doing things that are so awful that you reach out to your peers for support.

the other night before class, i went and watched my trainer spar with a guy who whooped his fucking ass. i mean, my trainer had a cut eye AND a cut lip, blood dripping down his face and he just kept going. never lost his poise. and this was practice. then, after he was done, he taught class for an hour like nothing was wrong.

it hurts so good.

i recommend it for ANYONE. fit or not. if you are fit you ain't seen nothin' yet til you try this and if you aren't fit, you stick with some boxing classes and your ass will get fit quick.

or die.

haha. just kidding you won't die.

probably.

What would grandma think

"dude, v.r. just retweeted a tweet i wrote about josie's tech blog."

"that's sweet. you should d.m. him to see if he'd wanna check out the tumblr too."

REAL CONVERSATION.

it happened the other day. then my buddy and i both looked at each other and i said, "imagine if our grandmas just heard that exchange. what would they think?"

"mine would say 'the world moves too fast'," he said.

(image via skull swap)

Bring on the wet places, ima itchin t'slip!

i think every church-goin' female could use a good tongue lashin' *wink wink*

(image via christian nightmares)

I love indian food!

(image via ihmp)

Thanks, google! this may be the best explanation i've seen so far