Gimme my trophies

when i was a kid and wanted to disassociate with all the fucked up shit going on around me, i retreated to my backyard... or in the winter to the basement... with my bat, ball and glove.

over several years i created a very elaborate sub-reality where i grew up to become a famous baseball player. i acted out every game of every year of the 10 year career and when i finished it i started a new career in basketball -- a career that was cut short cuz i grew up and realized basketball sucks.

anyway, my baseball career went like this (hang in there; this hurts me more than you but i want to get this out there cuz i've never told anyone except my gma who is dead -- she used to umpire some of these games i made up):

• drafted by the Yankees in the first round of 1997, fresh out of high school (14th pick overall)
• debuted with the Yankees at third base in 1999 as a 20 year old
• won Rookie of the Year in 1999 as well as the World Series
• just before the 2000 season was traded to the St. Louis Cardinals
• in 2001 was runner up in MVP voting
• in 2003 won World Series with Cardinals
• in 2004 was traded to the Toronto Blue Jays
• in 2005 won AL MVP
• in 2007 won World Series with Blue Jays
• in 2008 resigned with St. Louis Cardinals as a free agent
• in 2009 won NL MVP
• being Hall of Fame eligible, retired to pursue basketball career

i was an imaginative kid.

and i know it wasn't real, but i'd still like someone to gimme my fucking trophies cuz i deserved those bitches.

paper mache is fine.