Black void

when i was a kid, nothing mortified me more than the idea of nothingness.

of a black void.

especially at night.

it was bad. right before i'd drift off into sleep i'd come to grips with the idea that life isn't forever and eventually i'll end up a helpless soul floating in the darkness that is non-life. or worse, that there was no such thing as a soul, that once i was dead, so too was everything i associate with life.

i'd get so scared of that i'd cry myself to sleep sometimes.

to me, fear was nothingness. death. other. that which i cannot explain. that which i did not know. the concept scared me more than anything i could imagine.

and now i embrace that shit.

'cuz i fucking love surprises!