Not sure what this all means...

...but let me explain that i have an internet persona, a life away from life, this enriched version of myself that interacts on the baseball blogs and twitters and fb's and all that shit.

'cuz yeah, i'm into all of it.

anyway, so i feel like i know a bunch of people, like i know them. but i've never met them. and i imagine they're all enriched versions of themselves too... and instead of being the coolest kids on the block, in reality, we are the biggest fucking dorks that ever lived.

i'm 31 years old.

i can handle that.

anyway, so in the internet worlds, i'd say the one person i'd want to meet and hang out with the most is rachel the pujolsmolinafan.

her tumbler is right *THURRRR!*

I'm not lying

there has been many a day i leave my office, kick on this song, and rap out loud to every motherfucker i pass.

because i don't care.

you ain't the boss of me.

Sicko sicko sicko

here's a cross posted pic from rsbs...

yes, i created it.

yes, i know it's awesome.

yes, i realize that it is creepy as shit.

:-)

New atheism ad campaign

atheism, by nature, doesn't get good press. because the looney-bins have people everywhere. in many cases, people think of horned devils when they think of atheists.

and that sucks.

so i've started a new ad campaign for atheism. to get people on our side (the right side) quicker than anyone else, without any casualties, i've designed something that will get us goin' in the right direction:

A random pull from the archives of time

...or, at least my hard drive.

this one is from the winter of 1999... part of something called the cosmos series. i was somewhere between beer-thirty and coke o'clock, with a penchant for science (but no idea how to exercise it).

i think.

and i fancied myself as a know-it-all then too.

duh.

- - -

(V)


Generations have seen—
still see—will see
the Buddha—in Christ—
the Siva—in Allah—
Trivial Truth in clear
foggy Qurans—Bibles—
Vedic histories—and
melodic Mantras—to heal
the Soul—to kill the Dreams—
I can only—
Think

- - -

i think if i were to write that again i'd add a "FUCK YEAH!" to the end.

Kim sozzi the hit machine

the golden touch.

that's gotta be it.

the voice of an angel (*BULLSHIT*), the looks of a goddess (*BUUUULSHIT*), and the pipes of an organ on sunday (*WASTEOFTIME*)...

which in christianese means a bunch of good shit.

also, this girl has everything goin' for her.

so let's get up and dance.

Are the catholics as bad as the muslims?

usually i will argue that, of all the religions, the muslims are most bat-shit. and they are the ones that really, really, really scare me.

'cuz they really fucking believe ALL THAT BULLSHIT that is written in the quran.

all of it.

but the catholics are starting to worry me more too, especially now that they equate ordaining a female priest with the audaciousness and criminality of molesting children. sexually.

i'm thinking, now, they're just as bad as the muslims.

just...

as...

bad

.

(inspired by the friendly atheist)

Still has it

i know some people consider this 'just that cheesy song from say anthing' but fuck that.

this is a really good song.

really fucking good.

peter gabriel's background as a soul singer -- one who truly pushed the limits of phrasing and of what we consider might sound... good -- makes this gut wrenching confessional as emotional as it is musical.

it's really good.

seriously. just close your eyes and listen to it and see how long before your hairs are all standin' up.

Bjorn borg in underwear

walkin' through bucktown the other day, mindin' my own business, when...

BAM!!!

outta nowhere...

bjorn borg... in his underwear.

why?

Depends on what your definition of IS is

(click to enlarge)

every time i write the above parenthetical i giggle to myself. and how fitting that giggle is with the above paperwork gem.

hey, dude is right... getting a blowjob and coming on her stomach isn't really sex. i mean, it's sexUAL, just not sex.

i think you have to come on her back to make it actual sex.

or use a cigar.

or something like that.

The inexcusability of mormonism

look. i get it. sorta. i mean, christianity has been around for a couple thousand years. islam and buddhism too. hinduism. judaism, even longer. i know that cleaning the brain of these ages old traditions is gonna be tough, that it will take time, that falling prey to their teachings is pretty plausible considering how dumb most of the world is.

but mormonism? the church of ladder day saints? joseph fucking smith?

inexcusable.

they are just as nuts as the crazy-ass charles mansons of the world.

an angel gave a book to joseph smith? in an unknown language? a language that only he could understand?

please. that shit ain't even good enough to be on a soap opera, man.

no excuse, mormons. you have no excuse.

Ouch?

hmmm... i'm pretty open to anything. y'know, whatever floats your boat. you're gay? so what. you're a republican? your choice. you have fifty cats? i think that's kinda nasty, but hey, that's you. so sure. whatevs.

but this dude has a bazillion needles in his face. i don't think i could stomach a conversation with him. not for long. i'm sorry.

i hope we don't ever have to meet mr. needle face man.

Just because...

saw this and smiled.

just because.

(via skull swap)

The power of suggestion

people are stupid.

really. especially in groups. that's when people get really stupid.

think about it. all the major cuckoo clans that you hear about... the heaven's gate group, the taiping rebellion, branch davidians... most of us (religious or not) would admit that all three of those groups were fucking bat-shit nuts... that each group's members were sucked in by having weak minds and being susceptible to suggestion.

well, the major religions of the world are no different. the craziness has just been around longer, and most of those involved have never been allowed to think for themselves. ever. those who joined later on in their adult lives, well, they probably never realized they even had a choice (when they had it!), or were simply just susceptible to the power of suggestion of a bunch of looney-tunes who look and act like they really know what's going on.

even though they're clueless.

yep. it's the biggest fucking lie ever told in the history of the recorded universe.

and like they say, ya can't fix stupid.

The star wars thingy

yeah, i grew up with the star wars universe (back when it was good), and yeah, i was a fan and all, but it can't really explain my fascination with stars wars and its role in pop culture. every time i see one of these star wars related tumblr pics i get a big woody. er...

okay, that didn't cum out right.

shit!

i did it again. man, keepin' it straight is fucking hard, man.

that's what SHE SAID!

fuck me.

Enabling idiocy

okay, so here's a story about how a guy bought a house from god. yes. from god. so he says.

it was actually a foreclosed house that the dude just squatted in.

he filed some paperwork stating he bought it from god, that it was legit.

obviously, it wasn't. they arrested him. and he's on trial now.

he was ordered to have a mental evaluation and he was *GASP* found to be mentally fine.

how? the fucker said he bought a house from god. how is that being mentally fine?

why are these looney-tunes being enabled by the court? by medical care? by anyone?

this is sad. this is scary. this is the kind of shit we learned folk have to battle against every, single, day.

Tinkerbellin' me nether regions

...okay, admittedly, the chances this gets weird are 'bout 100%. know that i know that. but i'm doin' it anyway.

see, if i'm bein' honest i gotta say i sorta had a thing for disney's pocahantas when i was a kid. and belle from beauty and the beast (for the longest i thought it was beauty IN the beast which would have been even MORE weird...and homoerotic?)... also, cinderella... snow white (oi ve!)... and many more i'm sure.

so yeah, that's weird.

but what's really weird is bein' turned on by this gif. sorry i can't post it in action here... apparently blogger doesn't do animated gifs... which is a shame really... cuz tinkerbell is shakin' that ass like she wants us to see what she's got.

Christians actin' like they know shit

the friendly atheist ran a great article the other day reporting on the hilarious nature of christians acting like they know about things, even though there's no way in hell (real or not) that they could know about these things.

example:

how did the universe begin?


accurate answer: evidence suggests there was a “big bang“… what happened before that? we may never know.

christian answer: god created it.

that's like a teacher asking a child: "who is the president of the united states?", and he answers with "boba fett."

the teacher knows this can't be right (based on what she and the rest of the ENTIRE LEARNED WORLD know to be fact) so she asks the child to prove that, indeed, the president of the united states is boba fett and he replies with:

"go fuck yourself, teacher. i know it's boba fett cuz i have faith it's boba fett."

no facts. no research. no study. no inquiry.

it just fucking is.

well that ain't fucking good enough, christians. it just ain't good enough.

so ya better try again.

This was my favorite part...

i have this same sorta dream over and over again where i'm in the middle of the terminator movie, but every time it has a different story line.

like, sometimes i'm there with my friends and they all get murdered.

sometimes i'm by myself and i get murdered.

wish one of them would include a guitar and ice cream one of these days.

(via 9GAG)

I... love... that this shit... exists

Passion of the jesusaurus

so the jesus peeps still haven't explained this one... y'know, the dinosaurs and the millions and millions of years that come before god made everything then took a day off just because he could...

and my question is:

WHAT THE FUCK!?!?

someone definitely needs to make a movie about jesus riding around on dinosaurs. that would be badass. maybe in between embarrassing himself, mel gibson could direct it...

the passion of the jesusaurus.

What would jesus do, mel gibson?

yeah, yeah, yeah, everybody makes mistakes.

but mel gibson makes a lot of them.

a lot of the same ones actually.

y'know, like, being a racist, being a sexist, being a fuck, being an asshole, being a selfish dick, just for starters...

but you also know that mel gibson is one of those CRAZY christians. one of those fundamentalists who sees the bible as being the literal word of sky daddy.

normally i'd strongly urge people to shut the fuck up if they brought that wwjd stuff in my face, but i guess mel could really do good by it. so, here's to hoping he starts.

Okay, here's a reason why i respect the taiwanese...

yeah, their sales philosophy may be low-ball.

but it always fucking works.

this is the dumbest fucking product one could ever think of owning, let alone pay money for: a low resolution, hand-held gaming module with a stylus.

but they hire this cute chick to do a mini-infomercial and they make MILLIONS.

and yes, her voice IS that annoying.

da jia zai jian LAHHHHHHHH!

People stalker: garbage luggage

my people in real life series continues, this time on the 62/archer bus. this lady's goin' somewhere's special... i'm 50% sure there's not a dead body in that garbage bag. although when i accidentally rubbed against the bag i heard a giggle from inside.

And... this happened

FACT: this is a girl

ALSO FACT: she is smokin' hot now

i think it was...
MAGIC!

(image via AFP)

We are programmed to bang

why would anyone wanna believe in a god that is such a fucking dickfuck as to not let you do what he supposedly FUCKING PROGRAMMED YOU TO DO?

why. why would a god do that? tell me. someone.

yes, i love you so much my slave child human thing and i want to you to hold a high position in my make believe fairyland... and for you to have this honor, you are no longer allowed to enjoy... well, life.

you can't bang.

no orgasms.

no ecstasy.

no happiness.

... so what do they do? they molest kids...

brilliant, church. brilliant.

(image via smbc)

Even more neighborhood signage fail...

HEY! i gotta a bad idea for a business! a hair salon for kids! but let's spell it "KiDZ" and have a ball pit inside!

that's what these folks did.

look, i have a hard time shellin out 30 bucks for my hair cut.. who the fuck is gonna pay someone premium dough to cut a kid's hair? kids don't need to have good hair. they're kids.

or KiDZ.

and the telephone number is pretty funny. 'cuz gee, if there's one thing i say all the time it's "kek".

hey perv, you a kek fucker? that's what i thought.

If someone's gonna BUY herpes, does he really care if it's fresh?

Fan guo lai de

i was at work, lookin' through some new publications, new catalogues, and i found this one from thames & hudson and couldn't help but snicker like the prude pedantic i am (sometimes)...

the cover, to the book that's being advertised, is upside down.

those characters are upside down.

and that's fucking funny, dude.

Look, just bear with me

'cuz i know this is kinda long for a youtube vid, but man this little demonstration by carl sagan is what the kidz call the bomb shiznit or some shit like that.

flatland, people.

fucking flatland.

and carl sagan.

how can this not be the best 7 plus minutes on the interwebs.

i think it is.

i tried to explain this idea to my mother, who then slurred jesus at me, then didn't talk to me for a couple months.

spread at your own risk.

Uh... hello...

 ...yeah...

...i've been sayin' this shit for YEARS, people!

if we all just focus on getting off with each other, we will already be successful no matter what!

bang! bang! bang!

Jesus cabbage patch is creepy, man

Hey, me and my friend are just gonna go get rock blasted by a small cock, cool?

seriously, the chinese are cock-obsessed, man. no matter how many times ya tell 'em, "CHICKEN dude, it's a fucking chicken when you eat it. even if you DON'T eat it, it's still a fucking chicken unless you're a fucking farmer."

yet still, they continue to go cock crazy. dictionaries. signs. menus. cock, cock, cock.

COCK COCK COCK COCK COCK COCK COCK COCK COCK COCK COCK COCK COCK COCK COCK COCK COCK COCK COCK COCK COCK COCK'nBALLS COCK COCK COCK COCK COCK COCK COCK COCK

it's a bit much.

really.

Quoting a new friend

she had no idea that i write this blog... that i care so much about educating people... that i believe atheism is the only conclusion that makes sense based on the actual knowledge we have about the world... so when she said:


"god made the universe, a bunch of rules and still needs 10% of my income? to religion, i say: fuck yourself"


i smiled REAL BIG!

she's a keeper!

:-)

Funniest... thing... ever?

Fridays!

totally radical dudes! know who else is totally radical? my pops.

even better, i get to hang with my pops on this friday... which is rare, so GO ME!

one of the bazillion reasons why i love my pops so much is cuz he's... smart! he gets it! he realizes that, in the end, it doesn't come down to bronze age fairy tales and ghost stories.

he knows that's all bullshit!

fuck yeah, let's celebrate!

FUCK YEAH TURTLE POWER!

:-)

WTF is wrong with playboy?

so, let me get this straight: the portuguese arm of playboy magazine allowed erotic pics of hot chicks hangin' with jesus a la the famous novel by jose saramago, in which a promiscuous, imperfect, faulty jesus is explored... and because they allowed this... the playboy corporation is now firing them all and closing down the portugal division?

uh... why? 'cuz they did something... risque?

something... sexy?

something... cool?

HELLO!?

FUCKFACES!

YOU'RE PLAYBOY!!! YOUR JOB IS TO SHOW TITS AND ASS AND CAUSE CONTROVERSY.

BUT instead, you can those who do good work CUZ YOU DON'T WANNA PISS OFF SKY DADDY JESUCRISTO LOVERS!?! PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE IN FAR-FETCHED LIES THOUSANDS OF YEARS OLD?!?

once again, larry flynt... fucking genius.

(thx to C for the story)

I'd pay to see that shit

fuck winnie the pooh...

i wanna hear walken read out the bible.

that would be some funny ass shit.

"Behold, I have... GIVEN... you every plant yielding SEED... which... ... ... is upon THE face of all the earth, and every TREE... with... seed in its fruit... and that fruit... is my cock."

(image via skull swap)

Children are easy prey!

i know i've mentioned this before -- beat it into the ground perhaps -- but i don't fucking care 'cuz it's important.

fuck world hunger. fuck nuclear war. fuck all that. the minds of children are being hijacked every single day by crazy nutballs and no one flinches or says a thing.

leave a baby around a pack of dogs, and of course, eventually it will start acting like a dog.

leave a baby under the influence of close-minded, fairy-tale believin', religion-lovin' lunatics and you have reinforcements for the crazy-train army.

and that scares the shit out of me.

People stalker: sleepy train guy

i'm gonna just start takin' pictures of people i see out in public that i find interesting.

this is sleepy train guy. he's sleepy. he's on the train.

Can i give thanks?

i mean, does giving thanks imply some sort of acknowledged higher being? who should i give thanks to?

don't get me wrong, i'm a thankful person. appreciative. someone who doesn't take things for granted. i like to give credit ya know.

but i don't have to give thanks to an invisible sky daddy.

if anything, that just seems... fucking ridiculous.

"hey, thanks make-believe sandal guy!" "hey, thanks improvable thousand armed buddha!" "hey, thanks allah who i can't see, hear, touch, taste, feel!"

when one gives thanks like that, i think they're sorta missin' the point and crediting the wrong folks, ya know, the ones that are right here, right now, and totally provable.

(image via ursovain)

'Merica

ladies & gents, i present to you, the all new and improved 'merican dream:

you can be whatever you want.

for five hours.

How to deify your child's toy

step 1: buy child's toy

step 2: buy more of said child's toy and rip the arms of them

step 3: stick ripped arms on to just one child's toy

and voila!

BABY DOLL GOD!!!!

is this the same way they came up with visnu and avalokitesvara and those guys?

(image via ihmp)

Happy fourth!

hope it's a bang of a time, no matter what you're doin'! me? i'm eating a lot, drinking a lot and trying to find a cure for stupid people.

(ps, i have a feeling that a terrorist's favorite holiday is anything with a lot of explosions, so watch out, y'all!)

Life is fucking cruel, man

...and i don't mean that just as a cliche thing to say... i mean it cuz it fucking is.

look at this:

that's a dead bird. dead as fuck. a baby one. i almost stepped on it on my way to work.

and that happens to humans too. one day my uncle wakes up and decides to blow his fucking head off. one day your cousin is walking to school and she gets run over by a bus. one day your friend's brother walks into the post office and shoots people in the face, just to see what would happen, then goes home and rapes the child he keeps locked in a basement.

no sky daddy, no god, no higher power that LOVES his little slave people (that'd be us if ya believe in that horseshit) would actually allow these awful things to happen... not if he really loved them.

fortunately, we don't have to worry about if he loves them or not.

'cuz he's not fucking real.

HOLLA!!!

Jesus likes titties too

i have this friend who emails this picture to me all the time.

he's latino.

his name is jesus.

and he's a devout ritualistic catholic... meaning, he goes through the motions knowing it's all complete make-believe. he tends to keep everyone happy by keeping his mouth shut about how feels about this stuff, but silently ('cuz he's never admitted it to even me), he knows the truth.

and the truth is, jesus be lookin' at boobs yo.

Sad shit

one of my favorite works of art, the wave by hokusai is parodied here.

but its ability to cut hurts worse.

i'm often able to ignore things that make me sad. i avoided news of haiti's earthquake. i avoid news of the wars we're fighting. and i've tried to ignore the bp oil mess.

but then i thought: what would happen if hokusai's wave were covered with oil....????

i'd wanna fucking die.

and that says a lot.

(image via 9GAG)

That shit would creep me out...

okay... so...

to a 'believer'... jesus is there with you always.

when you take a shit... when you jerk off to an alexis love three-way... when you're latherin' up in the shower...

jesus is right there next to ya. and that's comforting???

sorry, y'all. to me that's a) fucking disgusting b) a fucking invasion of privacy and c) fucking unnecessary.

if jesus already knows everything about everything all the fucking time then why must he be there next to you when you deal with that extra spicy pho you ordered at tram ng's last night?

fo rilz.