The universe is fucking huge, man

every time i see this i'm blown away.

every time.

blown away!

ya watch that. let it sink in. contemplate.

and you wanna tell me there's a fucking sky daddy who made all that and controls all of it and has a say in any of it?

un-be-fucking-lievable.

Celestial rape

i've been thinking about the ecstasy of st. theresa lately.

obviously bernini knew a thing or two about orgasming women. i still can't look at this sculpture without gettin' a woody. so yeah, we all know it's a pretty badass piece of art.

and i know it's supposed to symbolize the rapture of being intimate with "god" and all that shit but you'd have to be completely retarded not look at it and at some point say to yourself: "oh, yeah, okay. i get it. she's gettin' fucked by god."

'cuz that's what it looks like... bein' in a chapel and all.

so, from my understanding, that would make this masterpiece a snapshot of celestial...

thanks to jerod for the rape gif!

I totally wanna do this barbie

she's everything i've ever wanted and more... except she's not real. that part sucks.
(via skull swap)

Richard brautigan, part 1

i was hanging out with my buddy (his name is Pie) not too long ago and he showed me this book that totally kicks ass:

and you don't have to be fucked up to enjoy this:

Jesus and his touching

my youngest sister is just 15 years old, but she was bitten by the jesus bug early (as was i) and is so far buried inside its magical veil of ridiculousness that she shows no signs of ever thinking for herself, ever thinking on her own, ever thinking, that it really depresses me sometimes.

what is one to do when he sees his family members -- people he really loves and cares about -- fall victim to the fallacies of the church?

i have tried talking to her about the poor science and plethora of contradictions in the bible, about how she should learn to question everything, that i used to be a lot like she when i was her age...

but she doesn't want to hear it.

and i don't want to push her away.

but it really fucking bothers me that i'm related to so many jesus freaks and i can do nothing to change it.

Heart, fist, soul, mind... muthafucka

yes, it's time for yet another max cavalera hit.

but there are so many!

i know.

but this one -- from his soulfly incarnation -- is so fucking rad (especially the chorus at around 1:45) that if you aren't moved to stand up and jam an air guitar then you're probably not human.

either that or you believe in god.

or something like that.

:-)

Caffeinated bleach

i put on a pot of coffee then went to do the dishes then turned around and saw this and had to snap a pic of it.

it may not be art per se, but i think it says a lot, about me, on myriad levels, so in my opinion, it's fucking ART!

also i now have a name for that metal band i've always wanted to headline.

win!

I'm outside playing in the sun right now but i'll be back very shortly :-)

Twitter jesus... at your own risk

so wait a sec, you mean to tell me that jesus is not only the son of god, but he's also god (sorta), also the holy spirit (sorta), also able to see/hear/feel/smell/taste everyone and everything on the planet in the universe including everything beyond our visible cosmos, also able to hear everyone's wishes and able to grant them (some of them but not all 'cuz some people gotta die from cancer and some have to get hit by cars and stuff), also able to sanctify wars and murder and intolerance...

...AND...

...he twitters.

fuckin' A.

Fuck yeah stormtroopers on animals!

when i see awesome shit like this i can't help but think: "why didn't i think of that?!? fuck!!!"

(image via skull swap)

They seriously believe jesus is watching

seriously. i know we all know this, but just stop and think about it again:

christian folks really believe that some long haired hippy emo dude in a robe and floppy sandals is watching their every move. EVERY MOVE. they believe that he's able to oversee 6 billion plus people simultaneously, that he listens to their wants, that he grants them wishes when they're good and do what he "says" (you know, basic things like spreading the gospel that homos are evil, condoms are evil, progression and free thinking are evil).

they really fucking believe this shit.

they can't prove it. but they'll kill/fight/murder to defend their belief in it anyway.

oh, yeah... and we learned folk aren't allowed to call them out on their bullshit, lest we want to take on the taboo of criticizing one's personal beliefs.

i'll take it on. i don't give a shit. i'm tired of the lies.

the hypocrisy.

the branding and seizure of innocent children and their ability to think for themselves.

it's about time it fucking stops.

(image via skull swap)

Best comic ever?

click on image to make it bigger :-)

(via smbc)

If you think this is crazy you should take a crash course on quantum physics

(image via b3ta)

420

(via hwcbn)

"When you bring the animal for fondling in to the room"

this picture is funny to me for two reasons.

the first (and obvious one) is because it's fucking hilarious. engrish, no matter what the time nor place, is guaranteed to be funny.

but the animal fondling thing makes me laugh for another reason too. a couple months ago i got some witnessing emails from a "concerned" individual intent on saving my soul in the name of jesus. his main argument for christianity was that without it there is no moral base for which we can build our own understanding of right from wrong.

which, of course, is absolute horse shit.

and i told him as much.

i even backed it up with lots and lots and lots of supporting evidence.

and his evidence? his argument?

he didn't have any, except to say that it is because it is -- the same tired (and pointless) excuse for reason that religious folks cling to.

but throughout the body of his argument he kept bringing up the idea that without christianity, without a god, people would be prone to... fornicating with animals.

yeah. i'm not fucking kidding.

without jesus man won't know that it's wrong to fuck a donkey! oh shit! without god man won't know that it's bad to finger-bang your rottweiler! oh thank god for jesus, or else i would've been destined to a life of licking tangy tiger twats!

hurray for jesus!

(image via engrish funny)

Spider jew or jew spider?

both kinda sound silly.

then again, so does the idea that you gotta cut of the tip of your dick to be accepted by sky daddy.

among about a billion other things.

:-)

(image via skull swap)

Constance k.

this image has me thinking a lot.

not about any one thing in particular, but just thinking in general... generating ideas... putting thoughts into action.

beauty tends to do shit like that.

and this is fucking beautiful.

it's a constance k. piece... and if you like it you can see a shitload of more awesomeness on her website (eyeshotcha) or her tumblr blog.

puff, puff give yo.

No national day of prayer means no national day of porn

that's right.

our government actually did something smart for a change by shooting down the idea of establishing a national day of prayer, finding it unconstitutional.

well good for you, government. you did the right thing. because proclaiming a national day of prayer would be fucking unconstitutional... just as me spearheading a movement to institute a national day of porn -- a day where every man, woman, child and president would have to recognize the art form known as PORNOGRAPHY.

i keep my beliefs, my likes, my hobbies to myself.

keep your fucking spaghetti monsters and the wishes you ask him for out of my secular (and happy) life.

Genius

Kitchen turbo hood

i'm a big fan of engrish, so when i saw this on a door in my neighborhood (i rives wis many many chinese peeper, and they riking me because i can talking chinese ranguage) i just had to snap a pic... and share...

sound like a pretty good band name.

groove metal.

Watch this if you wanna smile

this vid features two of my all-time favorite scientists/humans: richard 'that dick' dawkins and neil degrasse tyson... as well as one of my favorite words, which starts with an "f" and ends with an "uck".

Another way to put it

i'm a collection of organic molecules called...

...zelig skykiller...

... :-) ...
!BOOM!

Meaning? Why ya gotta have meaning?

religious folks like to back up their far-fecthed claims by aruging that there has to be god, to give a "meaning" to life.  they say: "but if there's no god, what's the point then? why are we even here?"

to which i ask: why do we have to have a reason to be here? we're here. isn't that enough? looking out upon the vast cosmos -- looking at blips of light that are billions of years old in galaxies that have billions and billions of stars of their own that harbor billions and billions of possibilities, why must we create some arbitrary meaning to our little speck of space when none is necessary? 

instead, what we should do is learn to enjoy life as it is, now. we should make the best of it, be kind to others, be happy as we can be. there doesn't have to be a point, a reason, a goal to or for our existence.

i know this for sure: the last thing i want to do is adhere to some unproven supernatural "meaning" involving flying spaghetti monsters, to blindly follow the farcical tales of myth and legend created by less intelligent versions of our species thousands of years ago.

i'm damn sure.

stop worrying about what the "meaning" of life is and go make your own life meaningful... without the unicorns and fairies.

(image via 9GAG)

Just another night of hot muslim chick browsin' yo...

(image via 9GAG)

More bullshit dogma that backs up the pope

i'm sure he's probably using this somehow

i mean, he would.

bleh.

p.s. happy tax day! wanna pay my taxes?
:-)

I couldn't wait until christmas...

...so here it is...

early!

(image via 9GAG)

Seeing art in stuff

one of the highlights in life, for me, is seeing the world, the cosmos, the everything as art. not art designed by a supreme being, but having an appreciation for how beautiful nature and its offspring can be.

i guess what i'm sayin' is the older i get the more appreciative i am of what i see, so i've started snapping pictures of what i like, when i see it, just for fun.

never would i claim that this stuff is interesting now, but i thought it had the potential to be interesting at the time i took the pictures.

consider it an experiment.

:-)

Really?

there was a time when dudes used to think this elvira chick was hot. 

i don't see it.

Please, hurry up and arrest his ass!

my favorite dick (richard dawkins) is teamin' up with christopher hitchens to get the pope arrested or crimes against humanity during his upcoming trip to the united kingdom.

that sounds awesome.

except for the fact that it is a pipe dream.

oh, believe me, if we could get this baby-rapin'-allowin' creep-ball outta of the limelight and convince people that he's not supernatural, that he's not the voice/hand of god, that he's no different than you and i in that he shouldn't be dictating the lives of the masses... i would be all for it.

but we live in a fucked up world:

and as the above chart clearly shows...we're all fucked.

A creationist's worst nightmare

(once again, image courtesy of those crazy fucking brits)

Again, just because

 9GAG is like the gift that keeps on giving...

plus, they bring up some good points, like, why would god (if there was a god) make someone's face deformed, or let children get raped or allow fat chicks to wear tube tops?

very, very valid questions here.

Definitely not the droid i was looking for...

You wanna know why? here's why...

lots of people ask me why i am so outspoken against religion, why i attack it relentlessly, why i say mean things about it.

well, to that i say: do you even listen to what i'm saying?

religion has caused widespread psychological damage not just to me, but to my family and others i care about. some have recovered, most have not, and it pains me to see people i love so lost in hallucination.

it fucking pains me.

oh, and here's another reason... via sam harris:

"unreason is now ascendant in the united states -- in our schools, in our courts, and in each branch of the federal government. only 28 percent of americans believe in evolution; 68 percent believe in satan. ignorance in this degree, concentrated in both the head and belly of a lumbering superpower, is now a problem for the entire world." 
-- The End of Faith

uh... yeah.

and it ain't just the USA, it's the UK, it's india, it's pakistan, it's saudi arabia, it's iran, it's scary as shit. that's what it is. knowing that the people whose fingers hover over the little red buttons of the world are deeply committed to ghosts and goblins and sky daddys and magical prophets that exist only in the collective minds of the delusional SCARES THE FUCKING SHIT OUT OF ME.

so yeah. that's why.

Do yourself a favor and get up!

every once in a while i need a respite from the rage...

so i like to throw this song on, turn the volume way up, and BUMP IT!


:-)

Venus de milo... with drawers

one of the best parts of living in chicago is the art institute.

wow.

right in my backyard.

i went this past weekend, and like every time, i couldn't leave until i had my moment with my favorite piece in the entire museum... salvador dali's sculpture:

venus de milo with drawers

fucking brilliant.

Fuck yeah superstition!

gee, somehow i haven't mentioned the craziness of the hindu religion for a while... so let's examine the worship of durga -- a bad ass bitch with ten arms who will fuck you up if you don't follow her lead.

the following quote comes from the new book by world renown indian art expert pratapaditya pal, which is all about the "sacred" imagery of durga:

"during the '40s of the last century durga was worshiped every autumn in our home in calcutta (now kolkata), in a polished brass waterpot. on shashthi, the sixth day of the lunar fortnight in the month of ashwin (september-october), the family priest would ceremoniously consecrate the pot by filling it with water from the holy river ganga (known as the hooghly as it flows past the city to the bay of bengal), inserting a twig with mango leaves (snapped from the tree behind our house) into the neck, then place a green coconut, which was covered with a thin, gauzy towel of the native kind, on its aperture. on the front of the pot he would paint an abstract stick figure with vermilion and so the terrestrial form was ready for the goddess to be invoked. then with offerings of food and flowers, appropriate rituals and mantras, she would be worshiped for four days until the tenth (dashami or dassera), and the family would gather around the priest for the final blessings known as shanti or peace."

uh... WHAT THE FUCK!?!?

so what happens if i accidentally use papaya leaves instead of mango leaves? what if i don't quite make it a fortnight? what if the coconut isn't quite green?

the human mind is certainly full of imagination... and its ability to apply meaning to the completely meaningless, arbitrary and random is fucking astounding.

i'm so glad i'm not a part of the delusional camp.

so fucking glad.

I dig the new lyrics

if you're like me you grew up having the song "jesus loves me" jammed down your throat.

well, this young lady has given it a much-needed lyrical update.

and it's spot on:

of course, it ain't no "jesus hates the cubs"... but it still gets me boppin' my head.

(via the friendly atheist)

Quick! Somebody kill tiger woods

...because he broke sky daddy's rules, man:

If a man commits adultery with another man's wife--with the wife of his neighbor--both the adulterer and the adulteress must be put to death.
Deuteronomy 22:22

so, according to god (and don't you christians go pickin' and chooosin' which parts of the bible you hold as fact), tiger must be murdered... ethan hawke must be murdered... hell, every politician should probably be murdered too...

'cuz they're all cheaters. ALL OF 'EM!

the bible is nonsensical bullshit.

WAKE UP!

Blow job tree, jesus tree, what's the difference?

in a word: nothing.

i'll explain...

when i was a kid, my small town was in a frenzy over the supposedly sacred spawning of jesus' face on a tree found deep inside a catholic cemetery. it was the talk of town. people drove from miles and miles just to pay homage to it. news crews reported it like it was some rapture-esque sign from sky daddy above.

uh... yeah.

a fucking tree.

to say that people (especially delusional, weak-minded, uneducated people) will see whatever they wanna see in any mundane, inanimate object is quite the understatement.

i saw a big donkey dick slapping ann coulter's face while reading a sports illustrated that had a cover of mariah carey finger-banging tiger woods' asshole the other day, all in the formation of some nimbus clouds hovering in the sky. stop the fucking press and report this shit!

people are crazy.

and i want no part of it.

Please, please, PLEASE let me be donatello!!!

"Petriphulous"

sometimes my buddy (his name is Pie) and i get together, get fucked up and make up words. one of us writes the new word on a flashcard and the other writes the definition on the back.

another:

Petriphulous
-adjective
1. pertaining to things your dad 'doesn't get' or understand

Example:


i have more petriphulous hobbies than most people: fantasy baseball, fantasy football, fantasy breakfast.

Jesus: touchin' people down inside for 2000 years

a friend of mine swears by the hilarity of this video.

i have to agree.

and at the 1:49 mark, jesus starts touchin' down inside.

like a mountie?

No, it's not just a few crazies... you're all crazy

i'm tired of the excuse from religious folk saying "you can't just single out a few crazies in the bunch in order to make your point against religion."

why the fuck can't i? it's true, isn't it?

as i have mentioned before, if you're a good muslim -- a real, koran abiding muslim -- then your mission in life is to celebrate allah and all those who stand in your way, all those who do not believe (the infidels, aka ME!) deserve.... yep, DEATH.

how is that not fucking crazy?

okay. so let's single out the jews... abraham was ready to kill his son. why? because an invisible sky god (a sky god who hates fags and non-jews mind you) told him to. how do we know this? i dunno, 'cuz a bunch of old people wrote it down a few thousand years ago and sold it to a thirsty, illiterate, uneducated, unquestioning group of people. does that make it fact? it does if you're jewish.

CRAZY!

christians? okay, well, where to start... how 'bout JESUS! not only does the story of jesus mirror myriad other hero myths from history (horus, mithra, krishna, osiris, etc) to a fucking "T", but when you try to view his existence as the church does, that he was the son of god -- why? because he said he was -- then how exactly can we be sure what he, someone who lived 2,000 years ago, someone whose story wasn't even written until forty years after his death, how can we be sure this dude was actually the son of god -- a god that still, to this day, has yet to be proven as a factual entity mind you?

oh, wait. we can't.

CRAZY!

so no, it's not just a few crazies who blow themselves up who are deluded... it's religious people in general who are deluded.

i've lived the lie.

and now i am free.

and it is an awesome (non-crazy) feeling.

:-)

I believe!!!

what's more miraculous than witnessing a flying spaghetti monster?

WITNESSING A FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER IN MY FUCKING TOAST!!!

(via negative entropy)

What's it doing?

reading sky god...

plotting my death...

causing my skin to crawl...

sorry, kitty, but ya can't kill what ya can't catch!

(image via 9GAG)

Leia or elaine?

tough choice but i think i'd settle for both.

(via skull swap)