Rearranging priorities (or, how i really don't give a fuck about that anymore)
for now, anyway.
sure it was a good ride there for a minute, juggling a couple handfuls of potential women while projecting myself as some high falutin cassanova... but in the end, for myriad reasons, none of 'em really stuck. and to be honest, i simply got burned out.
oh fucking well.
i ain't gonna cry about it. and of course, i'm gonna keep my eyes open in case serendipity comes a knockin', but the more i think about it, the more i think focusing on finding a compatible mate might be a waste of my fucking time. i mean, the time and money spent on courting women adds up. it sure fucking adds up... and in the recent time it's been adding up i haven't found much happiness at all, mostly because it's all a fucking crapshoot -- and in crapshoots, you can't control anything but the allowance for randomness.
i do know this: i'm happiest when i'm focusing on the things i can control. my running regimen has become euphoric. my marathon training is halfway through and i finish every single long run wanting more, and more, and more.
so i'm going to run a 50 mile race in july. my legs are begging for it. maybe by late 2011 or early 2012 i'll even be ready for a 100 miler. i have learned, in recent months, that my body can handle more pain than most people's, that i have the guile to fight fatigue, that my physiology was destined to endure. so i'm gonna fucking take advantage of it.
outside of my writing projects, i can't think of anything else i'd rather be working hard for right now. besides, there are lots of cute hardbody female runners out there. and i think the chances that i connect with one of them one of these days is pretty strong.
and if not?
who fucking gives a shit.