A pre-primer primer

as i draft a larger body of work tentatively titled "zelig skykiller's primer for women on dating men" -- a well constructed, thought-out piece of prose that i've been diligently working on with the hope that it can one day be my opus (half kidding) -- i realize i just can't wait to share some of this. that's right. just like religious zealot delusionoidism, some of this shit must be stopped. now.


LADIES, the following is is my opinion, BUT, let me assure you, my opinion is shared by the sorts of gentlemanly company a young professional like me would be expected to keep -- the types of men i assume respectable women want to settle down with. ya with me?


number 1:

LADIES, if he likes you, he'll want to pay the whole fucking bill, so don't stop him from doing that. this is how we show our chivalry. you can't take this away from us. we have to do this to feel right, to move on to the next step. you can offer to help pay once. ONCE. and that's it. if he kindly rejects your offer, your next move must be to shut up about it. say 'thanks'. then shut up about it. DON'T keep pestering to help pay the bill, to make it clear that you're all about equality between genders. because as you do this, he is losing interest in you long-term faster than the pope can hide a pedophile priest. i'm all for gender equality, but when it comes to relationships -- especially in the early goings on -- someone must take the reigns and make decisions, so that the playing field is even. if we each adhere to our traditional roles -- AT LEAST EARLY ON -- then personalities will be able to truly stand out because there's no need to weed through all the fucking bullshit.

also, arguing with a man on a first date probably isn't going to win you his favor anyway, so... yeah. don't do that.

number 2:

LADIES, don't talk about sex on the first date (save it for the second or third, haha). and DEFINITELY don't talk about sex you've had with other people (especially specifics). this goes for relationships PERIOD and should be followed AT ALL TIMES. we're all adults. we've all fucked other people. but if you want a man long-term you cannot allow him to ever see specific images in his head of you fucking somebody else. you just can't. it's the most awful gut-wrenching worst thing imaginable. we men, we like to stick our chests out when we walk. it's hard to fucking do that when you can't shake visuals of some other dude fucking the woman you love.

so don't fucking allow that to happen.

you have the power. you know it. so don't be dumb about it.

yes. we are men, therefore we have piggish tendencies. but let me tell ya, most of us just want the company of one. and really, all we want is sex. deprive us of sex and you're signing your own relationship death warrant. because we will get sex if you don't give it on a reasonably consistent basis...

of course, i will get into that later.

1 comment:

  1. If there is no sexual relationship, there can be no "cheating".

    But also, if a woman just "lies there and tolerates sex", a guy will find someone who actually enjoys sex and sometimes initiates it. We don't want to feel like an annoyance, and it our sexuality is bothering you we can take it elsewhere.

    Of course, this obvious fact makes those "dead fish" girls call the fun girls all sorts of names rather than addressing the changes they need to be making in themselves. Names like "slut"- regardless of the facts. I like sluts ("sexually liberated unashamed temptresses").

    I know someone who calls all girls who are "better" than her in any way names like that. Be they younger, thinner, happier, more attractive, more outgoing,... whatever. Their sexual activity doesn't even come into consideration, but is assumed to be what the woman disapproves of just because she hates them and feels threatened by them (because she is one of those dead fish/anti-sexual harpies who expects her relationship to go on despite her ending the sexual component long ago).