Prayer/misdirection

ahh yes, that age old propensity to give credit to the miracles of an invisible sky daddy who can hear all thoughts (and convict you of THOUGHT CRIME!!!) rather than see things for what they are, with fact.

it's just too easy to say so-and-so beat cancer because cindy christian "prayed" about it. nevermind the chemo, the medicine and myriad other treatment options.

in fact, for cindy christian to think she's so important that she has the FUCKING EAR OF GAWD to request with it whatever she likes kinda proves just how pompous and egocentric xtrian folks tend to be.

and why doesn't cindy christian's invisible sky daddy answer her prayers to stop those children from getting raped, or those wives from getting beaten, or those tsunamis from wrecking entire villages!?!?

pray harder, cindy christian. pray HARDER.

(image via smbc)

Holy shitballz think of the savings, batman!

on december 30, i will have been a non-smoker for TWO YEARS!!!

i remember that when i quit smoking (cold turkey) i thought i was literally going to die -- that there was no way i could make it, that i was setting myself up for failure.

it was like the 10th time of actually trying.

but, unlike all the other futile attempts, psychologically, i was ready. i was tired and embarrassed of who i had become: out of shape, overweight, sloggy, cranky, pissed off at the world, etc.

little did i know that quitting smoking would turn me into a new, improved, super version of my former self. and the extra $250 saved each month is a nice bonus!!!


(image via smbc)

How did jeebus not see that one comin!??!?

hilarabs.

of course, what i wanna see is jeebus eating his own body corpse.

!!!

(via smbc)

Book horror

been a while since i've shared any smbc posts (i tend to share their mockeries of religion and they haven't had any new ones for a while), but this one cracked my ass up.

how many times have you been disappointed in the movie version of the book? i can count at least a bazillion, which is why i just don't go to see movies of my favorite books anymore.

(image via smbc)

Somewhere, in a galaxy far, far away...

considering how unfathomably gigantic the universe is, there's a pretty good shot that somewhere among the stars there could be life. and if there is life, it could be intelligent life. and if there is intelligent life, then surely they too have an annoyingly enormous faction of insane delusionoids making outrageous, unprovable claims that bring progression to a halt.

or, perhaps they're intelligent enough to see through the bullshit, and, ultimately put an end to it. however possible.

one can only hope.

(via smbc)

Daddy, is there a puppy heaven?

(click image to enlarge)

(via smbc)

You can have your delusional meatland

the delusionoids just LOVE to pick and choose which parts of the precious bible they believe to be true. they like to pick and choose what's metaphorical, what's contextual, etc... except, the delusionoids can't even agree among themselves what's what.

meanwhile, people with working brains see it for what it is:

COMPLETE BULLSHIT

(image via smbc)

Thesauric confusicated chaotivity

when i was in the 8th grade, i made the mistake of overusing the thesaurus to the point where my teacher called me up in front of the class and asked me to read my paper out loud to everyone. i did, but it was embarrassing. it didn't make any sense, no one knew what i was saying (including me) and there was a lot of misfit laughter involved.

luckily, my teacher gave me a second chance rather than an "F".

i became a writer on that day.

will never forget it.

(image via smbc)

Oh hell

this is a good reason. there are plenty more though. like, why would a loving sky daddy damn his subjects to eternal suffering, especially if their non-belief is rooted in something arbitrary, something they never had a choice in to begin with... like... er... um.... GEOGRAPHY?

fucking delusionoid twits. a selfish lot.

(image via smbc)

God's mama

okay, smbc owes me a new keyboard 'cuz i just spit coffee all over mine busting up at this TROOF!!!

Table for one

...this totally reminds me of a joke i used to tell during my stand-up days:

i recently had a threesome (crowd hoots, hollers, applauds)... that's right... i used both hands.

(image via smbc)

What happens when kids start askin' questions...

(click to enlarge)

(via smbc)

My point, exactly

(via smbc)

Why there are so many jewish atheists

(via smbc)

I'll take the sock, please!

(via smbc)

Baby jeebus

(Click to enlarge)

i think mine would read:

get some!

(via smbc)

Walk on that water, jeebus

a lot of people don't realize that the story of jesus -- the regurgitated hero story that is thematic among a wide array of cultures all over the fucking world where a dude is born of a virgin, performs miracles and saves everyone's soul -- wasn't even written down until 70 years after jesus was fucking dead.

considering that when i tell one of my six sisters something that's going on in my life, a few weeks later, by the time i talk to the sixth and final sister, the story is completely convoluted and totally fucked up from the original, i think that bullshit stories revolving around jeebus are just that:

BULLSHIT!

dude didn't walk on water. dude didn't turn water into wine. dude didn't raise folks from the dead.

and no one can prove otherwise, so just deal with it.

(image via smbc)

Wait, what?

funny shit as always from smbc... but, wait, what are they talking about in regards to "creationists got stickers in biology textbooks"? are they saying the textbooks our children use in school give weight to the beyond-absurd-sky-daddy-snapped-his-magic-fingers-theory of how the world came to be?

SERIOUSLY!?!?!

if this is true it calls for an all out REVOLT against STUPIDITY!

teach that shit to your own kids, but please, spare society from sinking along with your delusional ship.

good fucking grief.

(image via smbc)

Yah. I can relate, buddy

(click to enlarge)

this pretty much goes for non-believers too.

in fact, if i could concoct a heaven... a paradise... ya know, a make-believe place that is ludicrous beyond FUCKING LUDA-CHRIS... then mine would be nailing dumb college chicks.

(via smbc)

Um... it's not the fucking blood of jesus, okay?

i don't care what your man in the pointy hat says... or what father so-and-so does to it... that's wine or grape juice or whatever it is your church wastes time and money on.

it is NOT the blood of jesus, metaphorically or otherwise. 

it is no more the blood of jesus than a can of pop is booty-shakin' juice, or a stein of beer is make-your-sister-look-decent drink, or a shot of tequila is license for me to kick some ass.

it's all smoke, mirrors and make-believe. to think it's anything other than that is a sad, disrespectful slap in the face of reality.

(image via smbc)