A safe alternative to a k-hole

i think i'm sufficiently stuck.

I can haz a baby tupac?

i think somebody's on to something here. what i wouldn't give for my very own baby tupac!!!

i'm serious, this could go WAY beyond baby alive and cabbage patch kids.

besides, society is ready for an expletive-spittin', henney drankin', gangsta baby.

(image via ihmp)

30 versus 30,000

the older i get the more i seem to appreciate nature. i like exploring and sitting my ass down when i find something cool. a lot of times i wear my headphones and enjoy the ability to create unique soundtracks based on what i see.

but this...

BADASS!!!

Only thing missin' is chuck norris and a badass fight sequence

Dubsteppin like a boss

stole this from our man in los angeles, but judging from the 25 million + views on the old youtube, i'm sure he won't mind.

WHERE DOES HE GET SUCH WONDERFUL TOYS!?!?!?!?

he was born with 'em.

apparently, i was too, i just don't know how to make 'em work like that.

BUT... i am willing... to... learn?

Star wars yoga

for so long, yoga seemed just... so... intangible to me.

but NOW...

now, i get it. totally get it.

What is beauty?

the definition of "beauty" is, obviously, one of personal taste. it's a relative idea. my understanding of it is unique. on a bigger scale, societies create their own versions of what constitutes as "beauty".

some think long-ass necks are sexy.

others find robust hips to be a must.

i'm not sure what my own idea of it is exactly, as my tastes vary from day to day, moment to moment really; but i do know that i can appreciate different discourses on the subject of beauty.

do yourself a favor and travel back to the 50s/60s to discover what "beauty" looked like to the masses. i reckon today's kids would look at this and find it completely boring, yet back then, these were considered suggestive/sexy.

Is it me or is it hollyweird?

when it comes to the movies that come out nowadays, i feel like an old curmudgeon forced to ponder whether my pissy attitude is based on nostalgia or whether or not they just don't make movies like they used to.

when i think of my favorite flicks, none of them have been made past 1994.

i try. i mean, i really do try to get excited about movies still but i've just been left disappointed so many times that i feel like the white flag is necessary.

nowadays i go to the movie theatre once or twice a year. that's it. and i make sure i'm going to see a movie that i'm already lined up to enjoy. i saw war horse recently. it was... okay. not great. but not "oh-here's-another-shitty-remake" bad.

i like to think that shitstorms come in cycles too. so maybe there's hope that the movie industry will escape from the one its been in the last decade.

This Will Destroy You's "Quiet"

music is powerful.

i doubt anyone would deny that.

what is up for debate is what kind of music causes that power to stir within you.

for me, this will destroy you's "quiet" is really hitting it on all levels right now. when i listen to it i am reminded of how far i have come in my journey to be the best me i can be. i see my mistakes. i see my triumphs. i see me soldiering on, whatever it takes.

that's something i need today. maybe you'll find it too.

All hail bobby mcbadass

bobby mcferrin is one of those artists who could hold my attention forever. i've scoured the youtubes and internetz for all the bobby vids i can find and i'm still not satisfied. the man is just so talented and he has never been afraid of doing something new.

that's something i can take to the proverbial bank.

here are a couple of my favs...

Would you make out with your mannequin doppelganger?

hmm. if megan fox can do it, surely i can do it.

but i'd rather just make out with megan fox.

her mannequin doppelganger will work just fine, thank you.

Prayer/misdirection

ahh yes, that age old propensity to give credit to the miracles of an invisible sky daddy who can hear all thoughts (and convict you of THOUGHT CRIME!!!) rather than see things for what they are, with fact.

it's just too easy to say so-and-so beat cancer because cindy christian "prayed" about it. nevermind the chemo, the medicine and myriad other treatment options.

in fact, for cindy christian to think she's so important that she has the FUCKING EAR OF GAWD to request with it whatever she likes kinda proves just how pompous and egocentric xtrian folks tend to be.

and why doesn't cindy christian's invisible sky daddy answer her prayers to stop those children from getting raped, or those wives from getting beaten, or those tsunamis from wrecking entire villages!?!?

pray harder, cindy christian. pray HARDER.

(image via smbc)

Single greatest product in the entire history of the universe?

if it can give a decent b.j. and not nag me while the game is on then all signs point to yes.

"Die hard, interrupted"

an old friend of mine is in this. very funny cool.

Someone's been drugging my coffee again

(image via skull swap)

Well, it's about time

finally! i'm able to masturbate to female disney characters again!

**side note: in college, one of my roommates walked in on another roommate of ours WHILE he was jerkin' it to the disney classic pocahontas. NOT kidding**

A new and interesting way to kill five minutes while also learning something

*THIS* will be weird at first, but you will eventually get the hang of it and you'll be wanting to go on more odd adventures like *this one* or *this one*.

SERIOUSLY, WHAT WOULD WE DO WITHOUT THE FUCKING INTERNETS, PEOPLE!?!?

Book horror

been a while since i've shared any smbc posts (i tend to share their mockeries of religion and they haven't had any new ones for a while), but this one cracked my ass up.

how many times have you been disappointed in the movie version of the book? i can count at least a bazillion, which is why i just don't go to see movies of my favorite books anymore.

(image via smbc)

Flesh wound

my fellow nerdy highschool band friends and i thought re-enacting this scene from holy grail was the funniest, most impressive, most ultra-babe-magnet sorta thing to do.

of course, we were also stupid.

Three cheers for shitfuck

when i get frustrated (or when i'm driving), my go-to exclamation usually goes something like "ahh fuck you, you fucking shitfuck!"

that's right.

shitfuck.

i say it all the time. i like it. i like the gnarlyness that ekes out when i utter its sound, and, like its ugly cousin "motherfucker", its literal connotation goes places i don't wanna go.

but no one else says "shitfuck". i've never heard anyone else use it. did i make it up?

i have no idea, but i'm gonna keep touting it's magical properties.

SHITFUCK!!!