Always fucking looking forward

this time of the year always slows me, winds me down, makes me fucking think hard for some solid seconds. i need that. i need signposts and things to remind me to feel how i should feel. i need that glance inward every now and then.

and this year is no different.

in 2010... i became a better person. 2011 will most definitely see me become even better yet.

because i finally started to give a shit.

after 31 fucking years of loathing of shimmying of running away of switching the moment of not being able to let go of banging my head against the wall, i FINALLY started to give a shit!

i did something about it.

i quit smoking. i started running. i made a point to spend time with my family. i ran in races. i met a girl. i changed my diet. i fell in love. i got my heart broken. i let myself cry. i pounded the roads. i got my ass to the gym. i got tough. i took pride in my body, determined to make it stronger. i picked myself up. i stood tall. i started making real connections with people, with my friends. i started to voice my feelings. i embraced my talents. i became disciplined. i kicked some serious road racing ass and i got myself back in the dating world where i'm slowly building quite the directory. so now, i simply can't wait for

what...

happens...

next...