New year's resolution: dowatchulike

two years ago my resolution was to quit smoking. mission accomplished.

last year my resolution was to learn something new. i bought some turntables and taught myself how to mix/scratch. been having a blast doing it all year.

my resolution for the year 2012 will be to spend more time doing the things i enjoy and say fuck all to everything else.

more reading, more writing, more baseball, more basketball, more running. LESS people-pleasing, LESS committing to shit i don't care about, LESS suppressing my feelings/thoughts.

HUZZAH!

Ronald jenkees -- "Disorganized Fun"

not sure how i missed the whole ronald jenkees blows up youtube phenomenon a few years ago, but i did. i admit.

sorry, interwebz.

but thankfully, pandora introduced me to "disorganized fun" and now i'm jamming out to all the jenkees fun!

HOLLA!

Single greatest product in the entire history of the universe?

if it can give a decent b.j. and not nag me while the game is on then all signs point to yes.

Can't touch this?

i'm a weirdo. on many levels.

sometimes i don't even realize how much of a weirdo i am until something alarming happens because of my weirdness.

i have "space" issues. i don't like being touched, especially by strangers, but even by friends and family. without going into a heavy does of psychoanalysis, i am aware of this issue and where it comes from but i've never thought it necessary to do anything about it. i don't like being touched. don't touch me, and all is good.

but most people won't let this be. they try to talk me into being okay with it. I'M NOT OKAY WITH IT. do i need any more of a reason? do i have to defend myself every fucking time someone wants to hug me for more than 2 seconds? this is MY space, isn't it?

oddly, my distaste for being touched has always been tempered by my ability to touch and be touched -- in moderation -- within a relationship. sexy time seems to trump my uncomfortableness with being touched. with girlfriends/lovers i've never had a problem with intimacy, as long as it's been in context (sneak up on me and touch me and there might be problems though).

it's been well over a year since i've been in a relationship, and i don't get touched very often otherwise, so nowadays when people do touch me -- whether by accident or on purpose -- it freaks me the fuck out.

i just don't like it. even hugging family members has become an issue lately. i can't go for the big hug. i'm not a hugger. i feel uncomfortable after a few short seconds and pulling away happens instinctively, and that became apparent after the holiday, when folks kept wanting to hug me and i surely offended them by pulling away too quickly.

i wish i could break myself of this issue, but i don't know how. i can't help that space invasion causes me to freak out and i don't want to have to explain myself for now and forever when such instances occur.

maybe i should just wear a sign around my neck.

"Die hard, interrupted"

an old friend of mine is in this. very funny cool.

More proof for the nonexistence of god

no self respecting god would a) allow this music to happen and b) allow this music to be associated with him... or her... or it.

the above is the DEFINITION of train wreck.

YIKES!

(vid via christian nightmares)

Xmas vacay is over, back to work

No one tells it like carl...

goddamnitimissyoucarl!!!!

My life could use a behind the back to the future pic pretty much every day

Happy xmas and all that shizz

no need for me to lay out my jaded position on how an historically suspect hippie's birth is reason enough to dictate what everyone should be doing on december 25, nor is it necessary for me to make clear just how much i despise the wicked religion of the masses. y'all know that.

i'm no delusionoid, but i do like the idea of having a specific time set aside exclusively for being with family and friends, giving each other gifts, reminding people that they matter and looking at cool lights while trudging through a foot of snow.

i ain't no bah-humbug, but for me -- and most of the learned folks of this earth -- i'd say that's a reasonable stab at what xmas really is anymore. well, that and the idea that it's a great way to sell shit that people don't need.

anyway, i'm gonna be with family this year. hopefully you're with people you like too.

also, i find beagles in santa hats to be quite irresistible.

HOLLA!!!

Kids and their total recall

it's easy to forget how damn smart kids are. don't forget, they're learning a BUTTLOAD of shizz on the real, every day.

visiting with my 3 1/2 year old nephew recently and out of the blue he said, "you silly, don't be a broken record!"

i nearly fell outta my chair.

about four months prior, he and i were having a conversation where he would ask me a question, i would answer it, then he would reply with another question: "WHY?" this went on for some time before i said, "what are you? some sort of broken record?"

i'd nearly forgotten about it, but he didn't.

and that made my day.

What if my opponent has arms?

been a while since 9GAG hit one outta the park, but this one is a tape-measure shot.

Someone's been drugging my coffee again

(image via skull swap)

Kentuckiana: land of the deranged (yet polite!)

spent another weekend at my sister's in louisville recently. man, jeebus is alive and IN YER FACE down there. everywhere i looked was jesus this and jesus that and pray for this and pray for my gonorrhea to go away. and even the religious moderates (the worst of them all in my opinion for they don't challenge what they KNOW to be insane) seem to be okay with letting the delusionoids dictate ALL.

but everyone is so damn polite, so i guess there's that.

my sister and her fam are pretty cool about not shoving that shit down my throat, but they (much like most of the kentuckianans i've met) make sure it is known that THEY are believers and THEY will not back down, which, in a way, is just as judgmental and elitist without precedents as trying to convert me and tellin' me i'm goin' to hell.

i really like the area, but man it'd be tough getting used to all that crazy if i were ever to move there.

Nature first

surely we all know that nature ought to trump the t.v., but i'm guessing most people don't really adhere to such a philosophy. it's hard. especially in today's blazing fast singularity bound culture.

i was 30 years old before i realized mother nature has far more to offer me in regards to peace and joy and health and fulfillment than any technology.

like anything in life, moderation is paramount. i'm sure that's what this child had in mind when scribing the above note.

(image via ihmp)

Time for my favorite xmas song of all time

if i could live another life in another time i'd love to be dean or frank (probably frank), get lit on the regular and then act like a ham whilst singing a playful, wintery tune.

SMILE!!!

Well, it's about time

finally! i'm able to masturbate to female disney characters again!

**side note: in college, one of my roommates walked in on another roommate of ours WHILE he was jerkin' it to the disney classic pocahontas. NOT kidding**

All hail comedy gold or Nobody fucks wit da tea party jesus

if the tea party and religious delusionoids have you scratching your head as often as they do me, then BEHOLD:

TEA PARTY JESUS

you are welcome.

and that is all.

I knew there was a reason i keep shaving my head...

Blowin' up, yo!!!

this video cracks me up. i mean, it's just extreme to the extreme, for the sake of being extreme and nothing else.

the song is badass, but to name it "best drum and bass song EVER" is a bit much. or maybe it's the constant image of buildings being blown up that makes it unique. either way, it makes me think back to a time when watching 8MM or head banger's ball late at night would give me that edgy yet slightly frightened spike in awareness.

i dunno.

just play the song, get up and throw your body in violent motions back and forth and you'll be good.

Oh please, save me the sob story

despite rick perry's delusional worldview, there is no obama war on religion. rather, just the government (crooked as they are) doing well to keep religion out of the affairs of the state -- LIKE THE FUCKING CONSTITUTION CLEARLY SAYS.

of course, you will have a hard time explaining this to a christian delusionoid, because essentially his/her brain operates at a base that assumes there's an invisible sky daddy up above who can hear his/her every thought.

and 'tis the season for said delusionoids to proclaim themselves as social martyrs, for them to fight back semantics and remind us that they won't allow the secular media to tarnish its precious lexicology.

of course, this must also mean that they're ready to give back the season and celebrations of the winter solstice, the original holiday celebrated on december 25th, the same one christianity tried to snuff out with their own brand of ridiculous.

Greek friday showdown

i have absolutely no clue what these dudes are singin' to each other about, but it's a whole lot of fun to imagine what the possibilities might be.

my senses tell me it's over a girl... or the last bottle of ouzo. in any case, it's over something that, in the end, requires more drama than one is likely to want.

How did i miss this?

remind me to stay home on "kick a baseball nerd day".

kick a ginger day?

clearly, we ain't in kansas anymore.

Rest in peace christopher hitchens

Holy shitballz think of the savings, batman!

on december 30, i will have been a non-smoker for TWO YEARS!!!

i remember that when i quit smoking (cold turkey) i thought i was literally going to die -- that there was no way i could make it, that i was setting myself up for failure.

it was like the 10th time of actually trying.

but, unlike all the other futile attempts, psychologically, i was ready. i was tired and embarrassed of who i had become: out of shape, overweight, sloggy, cranky, pissed off at the world, etc.

little did i know that quitting smoking would turn me into a new, improved, super version of my former self. and the extra $250 saved each month is a nice bonus!!!


(image via smbc)

"School Portrait"

this sorta melted my heart.

yeah, yeah, yeah. make fun. if you must.

one of my sisters used to be a school photographer and her stories of taking pictures of kids are as entertaining as they are plentiful. i never envied her experiences as they sounded more fit for a young woman thirsty to become a mother rather than someone like me, but i enjoyed them nonetheless.

and in this case, i couldn't help but love what jonathan rhodes does.

maybe you'll enjoy it too.

How did jeebus not see that one comin!??!?

hilarabs.

of course, what i wanna see is jeebus eating his own body corpse.

!!!

(via smbc)

Nativity redux

if only the old, crotchety, racist, gay-hating, womanizing, uneducated imbeciles who wrote the fragments of essays and tall-tales that would eventually become the bible could've known how influential their imaginations would actually be...

now this is a nativity i could help bring to life.

**BELCH**

Bringin' "ditty" back

sometimes i forget how old i am and, without thinking, allow myself to get all disgruntled over stupid shit that doesn't matter.

i heard a mashup playing the other day that used the hook to one of my favorite childhood rap songs ("ditty" by paperboy) and i got all excited, going into my own personal rendition when i realized the cool kids (the angsty pre-hipster teens) in the vicinity gave me the look of death.

"what? you don't know ditty? how can you not know ditty?"

i almost got really upset. i even nearly started to argue! but then i thought better of it, kept my mouth shut and immediately fired up the paperboy album when i got home.

suck it, jaded youth.

Been reading a lot of zizek lately...

some pretty heavy shit.

but it's hard not to like the guy and the way he goes about breaking down ideology.

it's sorta like getting cataracts removed from your eyeballs.

I CAN SEE! I CAN SEE! I CAN SEE!

Embrace your inner crazy

for when you think your idea is stupid...

when you think no one cares, that the world is against you...

just know that it probably is and they probably don't but that still doesn't mean you should give a fuck.

on the real.

there will ALWAYS be someone crazier than you. and you count. if honey counts, you count. i count. we all count.

Everybody's got an opinion

i like buzzfeed. i think they serve a pretty good purpose on the interwebz. but sometimes, like a lot of the contrived, fact-skimming fodder fuel that runs amok on the world wide web, they do a better job at inciting social media riots.

a friend of mine posted a link to *this buzzfeed article* the other day on FB and got a hardcore back-and-forth frenzy going... all over who some folks consider to be good musical talents and who don't.

first, i think it's a well regarded fact that -- like any art form -- music is subjective. for me to assume that everyone likes soundgarden just because i and all my friends like soundgarden, is ridiculous, pompous and stupid. soundgarden isn't for everyone, just like hillbilly tambourine bluegrass ain't for everyone. i always just assumed everyone agreed on this.

but obviously, they don't. dude's feelings get hurt when you say his favorite band (or actor or writer or whatevs) sucks, because that implies that dude sucks, that his tastes suck, that he is just full of suck.

and that's what happened with folks on FB. of course, let's also realize the misleading nature of the article, comparing creed's record sales to that of jimi hendrix. how can one reasonably compare two different eras with two entirely different musical sharing technologies? in jimi's day, they didn't even have cassette tapes! by comparison, if i want to know what scott stapp sounds like farting in the comfort of his home i'm sure there's a free download of that available on the internets somewhere.

my point is twofold: 1) don't shit on my tastes. they're mine and they can be awesome in the public eye or not, i don't give a fuck, 'cuz they're mine. and 2) comparing apples and oranges is one infuriating way the media fuels uninformed idiocy.

and now ya know.

Skrillex gittin' crazy with your brain

this skrillex fella is sorta takin' the electronic music world by the nut sack, ain't he?

whether you like this song or not, you gotta admit the video is pretty badass. it reminds me of my first matrix experience, which, at the time reminded me of my first recreational drug experience which reminded me of my first sexual experience.

so what i'm really tryin' to say is: this video is sex on your mind.

-ish.

Tree warming to chuckling to idiot bashing

was walking through my neighborhood and found an entire street's worth of trees, telephone and sign poles covered in knitted winter wear.

pretty amusing.

then i thought, how the hell did they get these things on the poles in the first place? did they knit them on? couldn't help but chuckle at the thought.

which led to the very rational thinking that possibly the person (or persons) who did this think that these inanimate objects actually are cold and have feelings. it wouldn't be unheard of, considering the pure stupidity of the masses.

If you are willing to be disturbed...

...then PLEASE watch this scary-as-shit video. you'll quickly learn that the new hand of god is cool and hip (at least, i think that's what they were going for).

either way, this in the zone shit might scare the fuck out of you.

and yes, the participants are real.

(found at the museum of idolatry)

A new and interesting way to kill five minutes while also learning something

*THIS* will be weird at first, but you will eventually get the hang of it and you'll be wanting to go on more odd adventures like *this one* or *this one*.

SERIOUSLY, WHAT WOULD WE DO WITHOUT THE FUCKING INTERNETS, PEOPLE!?!?

Go ahead, i dare ya not to love this

but first, make sure you're relaxed. if you're not relaxed, then get relaxed.

chill the fuck out.

and just listen...

Not so subtle christmas wish

goddamn it all i've ever wanted in my whole life is a real, genuine stormtrooper costume!!! is that too much to ask for!?!?!?!?

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Introducing "The Run Factory"

i have too many running-related pieces running (pun intended) through my head, so i decided i'd post those at a different site, therefore keeping Sky God! real with the usual badassery and not confusing it with all those running adventures.

i'll be writing about running at The Run Factory.

holla.

Book horror

been a while since i've shared any smbc posts (i tend to share their mockeries of religion and they haven't had any new ones for a while), but this one cracked my ass up.

how many times have you been disappointed in the movie version of the book? i can count at least a bazillion, which is why i just don't go to see movies of my favorite books anymore.

(image via smbc)

The gatti/ward inspiration train

pro boxing hasn't been good for a while. like, a long while.

sure, the pacquiao/marquez matchups have offered us a hint at what boxing could be, but in the end, they've been controversially disappointing. not since gatti/ward has a legitimate (and dramatic) storyline developed.

so, it's gatti/ward that i go back to. often. all three fights are on youtube in their entirety, and all three fights put tingles on the back of my neck.

but nothing does it like round 9 of their first matchup -- what ring magazine called "the round of the century".

as a long distance runner, i find great inspiration in people who soldier on through pain, in people who fight til the end and never give up. i like to think of myself as one of them -- that i'm a fighter, that even if you kick me when i'm down, i'll just keep getting back up and the only way you'll stop me is if you kill me.

To live life with no regrets

i seem to have this ongoing conversation with myself, each and every day, where i psyche myself out of just going through the motions (especially from a mental standpoint) that typically ends with the shawshank redemption morgan freeman character quote "get busy livin, or get busy dyin."

on the real.

while it sorta sucks that it took me almost 30 years to realize that i am in control of my own mental state -- that i have the power to discover contentment within myself for myself, no matter what circumstances may surround me -- at least i can be thankful i'm awake to the idea.

so many people in the world are clueless. they expect happiness to come to them, they expect things to line up properly, just because. i know, 'cuz i used to be one of those people.

i still have a long, long way to go. every day is a struggle, but it is a struggle that i know i can win -- I HAVE TO WIN -- and the reward of living life without regrets is the proverbial carrot that i won't stop chasing.

Girl can still crash

as a man who has had many a crush in his life, it always tickles me (did i just fucking say that? did i just fucking say "tickles me"???) when a crush of years gone by resurfaces to kindle the inherent bonerjam.

gwen stefani occupied many of my dreams during my high school days.

but all of that was behind me, until this morning i walk into walgreeens and this is playing on the overhead speaker:

i had to stop and get a lil groove on before i continued with my otherwise pretty boring life.

BONERJAMZ!!!

Superdong

if i had a boat i'd name it superdong II.

Flesh wound

my fellow nerdy highschool band friends and i thought re-enacting this scene from holy grail was the funniest, most impressive, most ultra-babe-magnet sorta thing to do.

of course, we were also stupid.