I tebowed

the tebowing phenomenon is splitting my sides with laughter.

every.

day.

i even got in on the action after finishing my recent 50K race:

the funniest aspect of tebowing, to me, is that every time he does it he's saying: HEY, LOOK AT ME EVERYONE. I'M PRAYING TO MY CHRISTIAN GOD AND THAT MAKES ME BETTER THAN YOU.

the gesture is just like those from the guys who do a little touchdown dance, or jump into the stands after they score.

it's called grandstanding.

so to all who feel OFFENDED by the tebowing sensation... y'all can suck it.

I still love you, natalie

i love women of all shapes and sizes, but i have the most experience with the petite variety, and i must admit that i hold a special place in my heart for small gals. i am only 5'8 myself, so i guess my psyche probably gets off on being bigger than my mate; plus, for me, sex is more fun when you can pick your partner up and throw her around like a baton.

which is really just a long way of declaring (again) my undying love for natalie portman.

married and pregnant.

I FUCKIN MISSED THE BOAT!

More proof we're all fucking doomed

just because something can be done doesn't mean it should be done. i mean, yeah, i could take my pants off in the middle of a busy intersection and try to blow myself, but that doesn't make it a good idea.

yet, here we are, the delusionoid tainted duggar family is having a 20th child.

sure, because they really need to fill that 20th childless void.

jesus fucking christ. this is why we (logical folk) will never come out on top. the stupid keep MULTIPLYING.

IN DROVES.

Endorphin ecstasy

i completed my first 50K trail race on saturday. it was fucking badass.

i don't know how else to explain it.

in fact, it's hard for me to describe a 5 hour endorphin trip that includes listlessly romping through the forest on a 55 degree morning with plenty of sun. the whole time i kept saying to myself, "this is the life, this is the life, this is the life"...

and everyone i came upon seemed to agree.

what shocks me is that most people don't enjoy running. i know it's not for everybody, but i do feel like adults could use a little play in their lives. for a good part of the race i was clicking my heels and doing twisted leaps down the rocky trails, the smile on my face stretching from one end to the other.

i can't wait to do more. i even signed up for my next challenge: a 50 miler.

BOOM!

Who is more delusional?

when it comes to the holy roller healers and the megachurch statesmen and the people they supposedly heal or help through the power of "god" and "jeebus" and all that jazz, who is more insane? the actual healer/statesman or the poor sap who goes along with the act?

i can't tell.

but there has to be some sort of mutual fucked-up-edness between them, right? like, they both know they're full of shit, but they go through the act of it all anyway, just because it feels good to be a part of a group, no matter how insane (i think???).

this woman featured in the video below supposedly can't talk until jeebus helps her unroll her tongue (around the 2:08 mark). then, the only thing that comes out is jibberish that xtrian folk like to call "speaking in tongues", as if their special god gave them the special gift to speak a special language that no one can fucking understand, special or not.

Bonerjamz are back!!!

been a long, long time since i've presented a bonerjam.

i've been waitin' for the right moment.

i think this one will do:

you can thank me later.

:-)

In case you need to LOL

i found this during another recent web surfing adventure. made me LITERALLY laugh out loud.

i fucking love hemingway. i love that he lived the sort of life i picture myself living... only less drunk.

also, death in the afternoon is one of my favorite books of all time.

I know this is a bit juvenile, BUT...

... i can't stop laughing. shit like this will have me rolling for hours. in fact, i saw this for the first time four days ago and every time i think of it i start laughing.

try for yourself:

"mexican people don't eat sugar, especially when it's a mixture of lice and tiger DNA."

classic.

Pffff!!!

okay, SOMEBODY owes me a new keyboard!!!

Oh, now it makes sense, except that, oh wait, no it doesn't

sure we get an extra hour of sleep, but like many things in our modern day american life, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense.