Just read the fucking thing

i have a friend who has decided to read the bible, from front to back, just to make sure his lifelong hunch that it's all rubbish is actually valid.

he's barely through leviticus and he already knows it's full of shit.

DUH! 'CUZ IT IS!

at leviticus, shit, by now god has already determined how much he hates women, gay people and PORK! whether it's the bible or the koran or whatever, i mean, if you really take the time to read the mutherfucker, there is no way one could actually take any of it seriously! but xtrians don't do that. muslims don't do that. or, if they do, they just pick and choose, blinded by idiot teachings of their youth. if the book i'm reading tells me that if i leave this organization my penalty will be death and it will be just, then you better bet i'm gonna be questioning the shit outta that mutherfucker.

instead, the delusional continue to be delusional and this is actually a problem. a HUGE problem. and i'm seeing it everywhere, in places it should NEVER EVER EVER be, like the US presidential race.

here is a recent comment on the project reason website's recent post fearing the theoretical decision-making skills of one delusional rick perry:

I have no basis in experience with Perry to say this, but I’ll venture my guess anyway based on the experience I have with other people of faith.  He genuinely believes in the broad strokes of his Christian faith, but, like nearly every other practitioner, has never had to conduct any searching examination of the soundness of those beliefs.  If religious indoctrination in a protestant faith is as breezy and intellectually vapid as it is in catholic church, then there’s really no information beyond fairy tale telling passing from one generation to another.  When this gobbledygook is presented to a child, they don’t know to question any of it.  By the time a person obtains enough maturity and life experience to begin doubting what their parents tell them, they’re already an adherent to this world of ridiculous ideas.

Why should Perry be any different?  He’s simply emotionally committed to a ridiculous idea spoon fed to him as a child.

this dude is right on it. and the fact that the delusionoids he describes are multiplying rather than going away, is one of those things that keeps me up at night.

Heart broken

been listening to owl city's latest album over and over again because i just can't get enough of its synthy pop melodic awesomeness.

though recently, one of the songs (called "galaxies") peaked my interest for a different reason: there's a lot of reference to "god" and shit. it wasn't until i really listened to the lyrics that i began to ask myself "is adam young a delusionoid?????"

off to the google machine i went and yep. sure enough, dude is a fucking delusionoid xtrian.

i cried.

a little.

oh well, happens to the best of them. albert pujols. evander holyfield.

can't fucking win them all. i still love the music, just like i still love baseball and boxing despite the saturation of crazy.

But look how far we've cum!

i remember the days when getting your hands on porn was quite the fucking chore! if you had access to a vhs tape in your own house that was enough to satisfy you for years!

but nowadays, well, we've just got too many choices.

i have the same problem when i go to the grocery store and see fifty billion different types of cereal.

GODAMMIT!!!

Lunchablez

while i recognize lunchables are basically just processed boxes of crap with little nutritional value, i sure would consider purchasing them if this commercial were real.

HAPPY FUCKING MONDAY YO!!!

Blowin' my mind

unless we can figure out a way to have female pornstars play baseball at the major league level, i can't think of any more visually stimulating chimeras than this blend of dali and the greatest galactic story ever told.

someone needs to go through and make a whole series. i would buy that shit up. fast.

(via skull swap)

An odd way around the language barrier

i am a fluent mandarin chinese speaker. it's one of the few identifying characteristics i have. so my coworkers often ask me to order lunch from chinatown... except, a couple of their favorite places are run by cantonese speakers who don't know a lick of mandarin so i am forced to communicate with them in english.

only, they can't understand my english... unless i speak it wiss a chinese assent.

you unnersan my meaning?

so, odd as it may look to my colleagues, there i go... regularly speaking with an offensive chinese assent so dey can unnersan i wanting chinese brocori... not so much having merican brocori.

Lip burned

i went running for a few hours on a really sunny day recently and my lips got burned!

in 32 1/2 years i have NEVER had sunburned lips and let me tell you, it has been such a strange feeling that i can't help but laugh at myself. i feel like i've been making out with a jalapeno all fucking day.

but i bought this aloe-based lip balm that gives me that AHHHHHH feeling and i almost want to continuoulsy have lip burn so i can feel that as often as possible.

Oh to be young and dumb again

this was tipped from stuff fundies like but i had to share because i equal the sentiment.

i mean, putting on a tie and parting one's hair does not make one less delusional. i recall being in his shoes, having xtrian propaganda shoved down my throat, wanting to impress my elders.

makes me feel dirty now.

Fuck yeah friday!

it's no secret that i love me the sound of the f-bomb. just... feels awesome to say! out loud, quietly, to yourself, to a crowd...

anyway, i think i really got going with the f-bomb when i started watching the winnebago man over and over and over again. he made it... elegant.

and now, bob odenkirk makes it... FUNNY!

The quest for bleach

like most impressionable middle-class youths in the early 90s, i was deeply in love with the revolutionary sound of nirvana. from the minute i heard the very first guitar riff from smells like teen spirit, i was a fan fanatic obsessed.

i recall saving my money so i could buy the entire album, one of the first three CDs i ever bought (the other two were queen's greatest hits and eric clapton unplugged).

but it wasn't until i found out that smells like teen spirit wasn't actually their debut album that i showed my first signs of being insane. of course, in those days, there was no internet, there was no itunes. if dude wanted some obscure music, he had to work hard to get it.

the music store where i bought my tapes and CDs was little help. they said they would try to order it but, for whatever reason, it couldn't be ordered.

but i didn't give up. some friends and i teamed up, and we began a rigorous search to find what we were looking for and after several weeks of letter writing, information pooling and lots of guts, we finally had a dubbed tape of the bleach album.

up to that point, i had never tasted such sweet victory, despite coming to the conclusion that indeed, bleach was a pretty shitty debut album.