Is it me or is it hollyweird?

when it comes to the movies that come out nowadays, i feel like an old curmudgeon forced to ponder whether my pissy attitude is based on nostalgia or whether or not they just don't make movies like they used to.

when i think of my favorite flicks, none of them have been made past 1994.

i try. i mean, i really do try to get excited about movies still but i've just been left disappointed so many times that i feel like the white flag is necessary.

nowadays i go to the movie theatre once or twice a year. that's it. and i make sure i'm going to see a movie that i'm already lined up to enjoy. i saw war horse recently. it was... okay. not great. but not "oh-here's-another-shitty-remake" bad.

i like to think that shitstorms come in cycles too. so maybe there's hope that the movie industry will escape from the one its been in the last decade.

From fearless to comfortably numb and fighting to get back

one of the hallmarks of my character used to be that i was pretty fearless. moving to another country on a whim. taking a road never traveled just to see where it goes. walking into a new place and immersing myself in whatever might be happening there without even thinking about it.

i used to do all of that.

often.

but somewhere in the last 2 or 3 years i became that proverbial "old man", perfectly stuck in what's familiar, even if not comfortable; i became repugnant of risk, a sort of slave to routine.

i feel like that this change has taken a toll on me. and i'm ready to go back to the adventurous spirit i once was. i feel like a major change must take place... that i need to move or i need to find a new job or i need to just disappear for a couple weeks and... find myself?

the only problem is: i'm scared.

Fuck my ass!

okay, not literally. but close. it'll work if i say: fuck my strained right gluteus maximus!

i'm human. so sometimes i do human things, like getting tunnel vision and thinking the entire world revolves around me.

i know that's not ideal, that the world has other things to worry about than my wants and my so-called needs; so i'm actively trying to curb that shit. but that doesn't mean i can skirt my frustration at will.

my running regimen has stayed tough and steady for the last year or so, and as i prepare to run another half marathon this saturday, disaster struck! in my fucking ass!

blame it on the cold weather, fibers not twitching fast enough, or just fucking murphy's law, but i ended up with a nasty strain in my right glute the other day and so far, the pain has not gone away. in fact, that one little muscular nuisance took me from running 7:15 miles easy to running 10 minute miles like an old man.

so. finally... after trying to run on it anyway (smart move? not likely), with no luck, here i sit.

and rest.

doing nothing.

and it's fucking driving me insane!!!

patience. i believe patience is an integral part of mental toughness. it's the part that is often overlooked, mostly because when it comes to certain subjects -- the ones i hold closest to me -- i just don't have any.

but all in all, i see myself as a patient person. so i'm gonna try to borrow that virtue from other areas of my life, apply it to my sore ass, then hope i can run like a muthafuckin' fiend on saturday.

if not, i'm still hobbling over that finish line, on my own two feet or not.

i'm finishing that fucking race.