Xmas vacay is over, back to work

Happy xmas and all that shizz

no need for me to lay out my jaded position on how an historically suspect hippie's birth is reason enough to dictate what everyone should be doing on december 25, nor is it necessary for me to make clear just how much i despise the wicked religion of the masses. y'all know that.

i'm no delusionoid, but i do like the idea of having a specific time set aside exclusively for being with family and friends, giving each other gifts, reminding people that they matter and looking at cool lights while trudging through a foot of snow.

i ain't no bah-humbug, but for me -- and most of the learned folks of this earth -- i'd say that's a reasonable stab at what xmas really is anymore. well, that and the idea that it's a great way to sell shit that people don't need.

anyway, i'm gonna be with family this year. hopefully you're with people you like too.

also, i find beagles in santa hats to be quite irresistible.

HOLLA!!!

Time for my favorite xmas song of all time

if i could live another life in another time i'd love to be dean or frank (probably frank), get lit on the regular and then act like a ham whilst singing a playful, wintery tune.

SMILE!!!

Oh please, save me the sob story

despite rick perry's delusional worldview, there is no obama war on religion. rather, just the government (crooked as they are) doing well to keep religion out of the affairs of the state -- LIKE THE FUCKING CONSTITUTION CLEARLY SAYS.

of course, you will have a hard time explaining this to a christian delusionoid, because essentially his/her brain operates at a base that assumes there's an invisible sky daddy up above who can hear his/her every thought.

and 'tis the season for said delusionoids to proclaim themselves as social martyrs, for them to fight back semantics and remind us that they won't allow the secular media to tarnish its precious lexicology.

of course, this must also mean that they're ready to give back the season and celebrations of the winter solstice, the original holiday celebrated on december 25th, the same one christianity tried to snuff out with their own brand of ridiculous.

Nativity redux

if only the old, crotchety, racist, gay-hating, womanizing, uneducated imbeciles who wrote the fragments of essays and tall-tales that would eventually become the bible could've known how influential their imaginations would actually be...

now this is a nativity i could help bring to life.

**BELCH**

Tree warming to chuckling to idiot bashing

was walking through my neighborhood and found an entire street's worth of trees, telephone and sign poles covered in knitted winter wear.

pretty amusing.

then i thought, how the hell did they get these things on the poles in the first place? did they knit them on? couldn't help but chuckle at the thought.

which led to the very rational thinking that possibly the person (or persons) who did this think that these inanimate objects actually are cold and have feelings. it wouldn't be unheard of, considering the pure stupidity of the masses.

Not so subtle christmas wish

goddamn it all i've ever wanted in my whole life is a real, genuine stormtrooper costume!!! is that too much to ask for!?!?!?!?

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

One ornery muthafucka

i've always been known in my family as "the ornery one". i like to stir up shit if i'm bored. not sayin' that's a good thing, but i have been known to do it.

and as jesus day approaches, i'm gettin' bored with all the traditional christmas bullshit.

so, i was thinkin', maybe the best christmas present would be the stuff i've written here. yeah... i'll take all the entries i've written on sky god! and have them published as a book i can give to all my delusionoid relatives!!!!

hey, dummy who believes in unicorns, happy fucking christmas! now read this shit and get over yourself!

i dunno.

think it'd go over well?

Hey christians, STOP YOUR FUCKING WHINING

thanks to j2 who brought this gem to my attention.

I couldn't wait until christmas...

...so here it is...

early!

(image via 9GAG)