Melatonin side effects

for the last month, i've been tryin' to cut back on my old sleeping aids (steve green, wine, benadryl) in favor of something more healthy; so, naturally, melatonin answered the bell again.

after some extended, exclusive use of melatonin, i am experiencing the following side effects:

1. an extended tolerance for religious delusionoids

(i recently spent an entire weekend surrounded by them and didn't open my mouth in defiance ONCE. i was being a polite guest, of course, but still)

2. an enlightened, invigorated spark first thing in the morning

(sleeping so well for so long has taken my morning-person persona and kicked it up a notch. this is a good thing)

3. an abundance of vivid, detailed, EXTREMELY realistic dreams revolving around my ex-girlfriend

(the other day i woke up in the middle of the night clutching a pillow i believed to be her; when i realized it wasn't her i picked up my phone and almost called her to ask "where are you?"... i can't believe how real it was. so, so real)

4. an increase in mid-day erections

(this speaks for itself i believe)

5. an overall increase in perceived health

so, yeah, if i were a doctor i'd recommend it to all my patients. though, a good mix of steve green every once in a while wouldn't hurt either.

;-)