wow. so... yeah, the marathon ain't no joke. i know now why pheidippides just fucking died.
at least we both share the common knowledge of victory...
i knew this girl once... she liked to be spanked, slapped... stuff like that. she enjoyed pain. i never really got that.
until i ran that marathon on sunday. i got my ass kicked by the beating 86 degree sun, the unforgiving hills at the most compromising mile markers. i got the shit beat out of me and i loved every last minute of it.
when i crossed that finish line i had absolutely nothing left. i was dead at the halfway point and i STILL managed to fight through that shit like a fucking champ.
in two and a half weeks i'm running the kentucky derby half marathon (with MY BROTHER IN LAW this time) and two weeks after that i'm hiking my ass up to the woods in wisconsin to run a 50 kilometer race (31 miles). not to mention the 50 MILER in july.
musically, i go through phases. lots of 'em. one week it's all phillip glass. the next i'm focusing on dimebag pantera riffs. after that, puccini.
and right now, i can't stop getting a hard-on from oceanlab's "come home" off the sirens of the sea remixed album.
it's been six long, treacherous yet ecstatic years that i stopped rollin' and livin' that unrated club life -- the one that got me in so much trouble...
but goddamn it if i don't still love the music from the scene.
i can never get enough vocal trance. if above & beyond could hook up with max cavalera and dolores o'riordan to create the funkiest trance mix ever i would definitely give up a nut for that.
a well-prepared and educated atheist cannot lose a debate with a religious person. he just can't. because no matter what, the religious person cannot provide proof for his argument, that a god exists.
until he can prove that, the status quo is that god doesn't exist.
but that never seems to stop the religious man (the christian to be exact) from coming back with his supposedly hallowed trump card that "i have experienced god in my life". whether the god experience in question is sky daddy picking him up while walking along the beach or answering his prayers with some physical sign (whatever mundane event he feels like attributing to "god" on any particular day), it is hard to argue with a christian about his "god experience".
so you don't. you can't. you can't have a logical discussion with someone who bases his argument on hallucination, delusion, make-believe wishful thinking. as an atheist, i cannot argue against said man's god experience. i can think it crazy (because it is, more or less) but i cannot deny the sincerity with which he speaks.
i may not believe in flying spaghetti monsters, but i do believe those individuals who say they have experienced them. why?
because it's all relative -- relative bullshit that susceptible folks convince themselves of being real. i know, because i've been there. i've been one of them.
of course, i was given no choice. i was forced to believe in the fairytales of the bible from as early as i can remember. church every sunday. youth groups. bible studies. i was part of the atrocity, part of the maniacal drone army of christians who was taught to never, ever, EVER question the existence of god and his holy jesus. it wasn't until i left my simple minded home at the age of 18 that i really started to digress from my christian roots; and during those early, formative years of my adolescence, i had lots and lots of those "god experiences".
it's simple really. victor turner summed it up with his communitas explanation. and i concur. the one common factor in all my "god experiences" was the influence of communitas. no question. my experiences took place at the front of the church, with hundreds of people gathered around me, praying for my soul, chantings, singing, waving hands in the air. my experiences came from christian rock concerts where 15,000 people gathered together in the name of holy jesus, speaking in tongues, sweating, praising that thing which none of us could see. my experiences came from the twisted teachings of elders who wanted the best for me, to become a strong christian leader in the community, to take over for them one day so that the lie could continue on and on and on...
as you can see, none of these "god experiences" came on its own, without suggestion from others, without the comfort of knowing a whole sea of equally misguided people had my back.
having eschewed the fettering shackles of the church long ago, i continue to have "god experiences" in my life today, only now i am awake enough to know such experiences have nothing to do with god and everything to do with what's going on in my brain. endorphins. blood pressure. serotonin.
probably my most memorable euphoric experiences (previously referred to here as "god experiences") took place in the dance clubs of Madrid, Beijing and Los Angeles -- all stops on my four year tour of ecstasy binging. when ya get a thousand people in one dark room with bass pumping and lights flashing and love brewing and serotonin levels rising it's nearly impossible for one to not feel like he/she is touching god. that's why i did it night after night after night.
and like my youthful dance with religion, such a lifestyle eventually caused me a lot of problems.
a college mentor of mine (a gun-totin' atheist lesbian no doubt) once said, with the secular wit she was universally known for, that: "if you wanna feel the hand of god, honey, drink a glass of red wine in a hot bath while listening to philip glass' metamorphosis. that, my dear, is the fucking hand of god."
she was right.
just in case you don't believe me, here's the first movement. you can supply the hot bath and red wine yourself.
i write the world... among other things.
it's over 4 billion years old, so there's a lot of shit to write... and i like getting your emails:
skygodblog@gmail.com
